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Band 4.5

Prevention is better than cure Out of a country’s health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and prevention measures. Agree/disagree?

#prevention #cure #country’s #health #budget #proportion #treatment #education #measures
Many developed countries around the world spend billions of dollar on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health
awareness
programs
 to ensure that the local citizen is well aware of the causes and issues regarding the most common diseases. The
programs
 are arranged in the form of activities and prizes which
excites
Correct subject-verb agreement
excite
show examples
 the participants. I strongly believe that
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
 should
allocation
Replace the word
allocate
show examples
 a certain portion of its budget to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education regarding
heath
Correct your spelling
health
show examples
 and
awareness
programs
.
Firstly
, many
health
 issues are created because of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
awareness
 about prevention measures. A large budget is being spent on hospitals for the treatment of patients.
This
 staggering
cost
 would
reduce
Wrong verb form
be reduced
show examples
 if
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
 money on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
awareness
 campaigns or
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
educational
programs
. There are many people who are still unaware
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the causes and prevention of many
health
 issues.
For example
, if
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
citizens
may
Verb problem
could
show examples
 get access to information about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bad habits like drinking and smoking
so
Rephrase
apply
show examples
many people would quit
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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consumption which would ultimately reduce the
overall
cost
.
Secondly
,
awareness
programs
 would ensure that the issue is identified at the early
stage
than
Rephrase
rather than
show examples
 the later
stage
 as the amount of
cost
 being spent would be very low. Statistics define that government spends
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
show examples
 portion on
patient
Add an article
a patient
the patient
show examples
 that
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 either in critical condition or at the
last
stage
 of their diseases.
For
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 many people die of cancer every other day because of identification at the
last
stage
 of the cancer and even many
doctor s
Correct your spelling
doctors
show examples
 are unable to detect that
patient
Correct article usage
a patient
show examples
 is severely ill with cancer.
Hence
 it is
very
Rephrase
apply
show examples
essential that
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
should
Verb problem
apply
show examples
spend money on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
prevention activities and
health
awareness
 seminars as it will reduce the
overall
cost
 being allocated
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 treatment and
also
ensures
Correct subject-verb agreement
ensure
show examples
 early issue deduction.
Submitted by ieltsexpert185 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventive measures
  • health education
  • treatment
  • health budget
  • divert
  • health problems
  • awareness
  • healthy habits
  • behaviors
  • vaccinations
  • screenings
  • check-ups
  • early detection
  • burden on the healthcare system
  • resources
  • infectious diseases
  • healthcare costs
  • quality of life
  • balancing
  • wellbeing
What to do next:
Look at other essays: