some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. others say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. discuss both views and give your opinion
Improving public
health
is a pressing matter that concerns many governments nowadays. In this
regard, some people
see that in order to improve public health
the number of sports
centers
should be increased Change the spelling
centres
while
others believe that other approaches are necessary. In this
essay, I will discuss both thoughts and address why I advocate the second one.
On the one hand, the construction of more sports
facilities such
as gyms, swimming pools, and playgrounds can participate effectively in tackling the problem of public health
deterioration. This
idea came from the fact that many people
nowadays have a sedentary lifestyle deficient to any kind of physical activity. This
kind of lifestyle is strongly associated with different types of health
problems such
as diabetes and obesity. So, by increasing the availability of sports
centers
near them in the Change the spelling
centres
neighborhoods
these Change the spelling
neighbourhoods
people
might be encouraged to start practicing
physical activities.
Change the spelling
practising
However
, I believe that this
approach alone to improve public health
is not sufficient additional strategies are needed. Firstly
, physical exercise should be combined with a healthy diet. People
should decrease their consumption of poor unhealthy diet which is high in sugar and carbohydrates and deficient in nutrients such
as fast food and soft drinks. Secondly
, governments should pay attention to the condition of public health
facilities as well. Improvement of the hospitals and health
centers
in terms of continuous maintenance, refurbishment, and provision of advanced medical equipment will enhance the process of diagnosis and treatment of Change the spelling
centres
the
diseases.
In conclusion, in my opinion, the role of Correct article usage
apply
sports
facilities in enhancing public health
is important, but I believe that it wouldn't achieve the maximum outcomes unless it is combined with other measures.Submitted by rereosama.ih on
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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central theme and that the examples are fully developed. There's room for enriching the essay with more specific and detailed examples to support main points.
Task Achievement
While the overall position is clear, make sure to address all parts of the task. In this case, the response would benefit from further discussion on the efficacy and implications of sports facilities, as well as additional suggestions for public health improvement measures.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite