some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. others say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. discuss both views and give your opinion

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Improving public
health
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is a pressing matter that concerns many governments nowadays. In
this
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regard, some
people
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see that in order to improve public
health
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the number of
sports
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centers
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centres
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should be increased
while
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others believe that other approaches are necessary. In
this
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essay, I will discuss both thoughts and address why I advocate the second one. On the one hand, the construction of more
sports
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facilities
such
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as gyms, swimming pools, and playgrounds can participate effectively in tackling the problem of public
health
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deterioration.
This
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idea came from the fact that many
people
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nowadays have a sedentary lifestyle deficient to any kind of physical activity.
This
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kind of lifestyle is strongly associated with different types of
health
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problems
such
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as diabetes and obesity. So, by increasing the availability of
sports
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centers
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centres
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near them in the
neighborhoods
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neighbourhoods
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these
people
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might be encouraged to start
practicing
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practising
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physical activities.
However
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, I believe that
this
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approach alone to improve public
health
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is not sufficient additional strategies are needed.
Firstly
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, physical exercise should be combined with a healthy diet.
People
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should decrease their consumption of poor unhealthy diet which is high in sugar and carbohydrates and deficient in nutrients
such
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as fast food and soft drinks.
Secondly
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, governments should pay attention to the condition of public
health
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facilities as well. Improvement of the hospitals and
health
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centers
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centres
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in terms of continuous maintenance, refurbishment, and provision of advanced medical equipment will enhance the process of diagnosis and treatment of
the
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apply
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diseases. In conclusion, in my opinion, the role of
sports
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facilities in enhancing public
health
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is important, but I believe that it wouldn't achieve the maximum outcomes unless it is combined with other measures.
Submitted by rereosama.ih on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central theme and that the examples are fully developed. There's room for enriching the essay with more specific and detailed examples to support main points.
Task Achievement
While the overall position is clear, make sure to address all parts of the task. In this case, the response would benefit from further discussion on the efficacy and implications of sports facilities, as well as additional suggestions for public health improvement measures.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • sports facilities
  • physical activity
  • exercise
  • chronic diseases
  • heart disease
  • obesity
  • inclusivity
  • participation
  • safe environment
  • social interaction
  • community engagement
  • comprehensive approach
  • health education programs
  • environmental factors
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • quality healthcare services
  • public health initiatives
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