Some people think it is important to spend time in developing a successful career while others think it is more importany to spend time with family and friends. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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People opine that the majority of our schedules should be manifest on the brilliant
career
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whilst some prefer to spend our moment with the closest
ones
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. I believe that
invest
Wrong verb form
investing
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
career
Use synonyms
performance is for
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
better future. On the one hand, a person that
invest
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invests
show examples
her
schedules
Fix the agreement mistake
schedule
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on
Change preposition
in
show examples
learning
is try
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is trying
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to
projecting
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project
show examples
a nice
career
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and comfortable life later in future. She doesn't mind
to work
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working
show examples
a bit harder now, so she can enjoy the convenience later. She might think that the result of her
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
will make her
beloved
Correct your spelling
loved
show examples
ones
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happy and she
want
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wants
show examples
to treat all of them with money.
For example
Linking Words
, she
work
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works
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all day and night to get a great retirement plan and to provide food or even a nice house for her family. She thinks it's
a
Change the article
the
show examples
best plan after all rather than
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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allocate
majority
Add an article
the majority
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of her
time
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on
Change preposition
to
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her family with less money.
On the other hand
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, people have several
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
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to spend
time
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with
closest
Correct pronoun usage
their closest
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ones
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. Mostly because they regret investing most of their
time
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only on a job.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they are now already old and trying so hard to get back the moment but their family member already left home. Some
also
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think that a company won't value you as much as your family. The company can kick and replace a person in a minute, but family will always be there for you.
For instance
Linking Words
, if you are on sick leave
more
Change preposition
for more
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than 3 months, the company will
initially
Linking Words
cut you off but the family will look you up and take care of you in your dark days.
To sum up
Linking Words
, the main focus of spending
time
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on
career
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development is to eventually achieve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
convenience.
However
Linking Words
, some individuals think that all the money will no longer
meaningful
Add a missing verb
be meaningful
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if they don't have the chance to have
another moments
Replace the adjective
another moment
other moments
show examples
with their
beloved
Correct your spelling
loved
show examples
ones
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by matcha on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • prioritize
  • strike a balance
  • ambitious
  • dedicated
  • work-life balance
  • career-oriented
  • professional success
  • financial stability
  • personal fulfillment
  • contribute
  • supportive
  • cherish
  • bond
  • memorable
  • experience
  • social connections
  • commitment
  • advocate
  • sacrifice
  • juggle
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