IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

The increase in the production and consumption of meat has resulted in damage to the natural environment What are the causes of this? What can be done to solve this problem?

#production #consumption #meat #damage #environment
The rise in the amount of
meat
producted
Correct your spelling
produced
 and consumed has destroyed the natural habitat. The problem is attributable to deforestation taking place for grazing grass and untreated
waste
 from
production
 but can be
addresed
Correct your spelling
addressed
 by
replacement
Correct article usage
the replacement
show examples
 of environmentally friendly
products
. The underlying root of the problem is almost always the destruction of the forest.
In other words
, farmers cut down trees to expand their farming field for cow farms or battery farm which supplies a large quantity of
meat
.
Consequently
, the lack of green space will warm up the earth and cause climate change.
This
because
Add a missing verb
is because
show examples
 trees are
cable
Correct your spelling
capable
show examples
 of absorbing CO2 emissions- the substance
increase
Change the verb form
increases
show examples
 the temperature.
According to
 data research, over one million hectares of forest over the world
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 cleared
due to
 the expansion of livestock farming. Another principal cause
destruction
Change preposition
of destruction
show examples
 to the
environment
 nature is the
remainant
Correct your spelling
remnant
remaining
 of
meat
production
. It must be recognized that untreated
waste
 from factory farms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 detrimental effects on
water
 bodies
due to
 high levels of nutrients in animal manure and
run off
Correct your spelling
runoff
show examples
.
Thus
, the
remainant
Correct your spelling
remains
 enter the
water
 and
results
Correct subject-verb agreement
result
show examples
 in
water
 pollution.
This
 can be explained that different elements from
waste
such
 as nitrogen and phosphorus can transform the
water
 bodies
in to
Join the words
into
show examples
unsustanable
Correct your spelling
unsustainable
habitat
Fix the agreement mistake
habitats
show examples
.
This
 is true in Vietnam, where untreated
waste
 from the process of producing
meat
 is released
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 rivers and lakes
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
killed
Wrong verb form
killing
show examples
 tonnes of fish.
Perharps
Correct your spelling
Perhaps
 a solution to the problem of
meat
production
 and consumption is to be found in the form of changing
eatin
Correct your spelling
eating
eatin'
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
. The most effective approach is to put more tax on protein
products
. If the price of
meat
 increases, people will replace it with organic
products
 which are friendly
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
.
Taking
Wrong verb form
Take
show examples
 the UK as a prime example, where tax on
meat
 increases steadily throughout the year, leading to a fall in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
consumption and a rise in organic
products
 that minimize
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
deforestation and adverse
waste
. In conclusion,
destruction
Correct article usage
the destruction
show examples
 of the
environment
 stems from deforestation and
releasing
Wrong verb form
the release of
show examples
 the
remainants
Correct your spelling
remains
 of
meat
production
.
Nevertheless
,
substituing
Correct your spelling
substituting
 protein
products
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 organic
products
 will improve the natural
environment
.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Provide a more detailed explanation of how deforestation for grazing grass and untreated waste from production contribute to the damage of the natural environment.
task achievement
Provide specific examples or data to support the claim that over one million hectares of forest have been cleared due to the expansion of livestock farming.
lexical grammatical
Use stronger vocabulary and more varied sentence structures to improve the lexical resource and grammatical range and accuracy.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: