In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

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In some countries,
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

are usually advised that if they work hard, they can attain all their
dreams
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. Applying
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

measure may have some advantages and disadvantages that in
this
Linking Words

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essay I will explain them. In terms of benefits, I think the most significant profit of implementing
this
Linking Words

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method is that
,
Remove the comma
apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma after the subordinating conjunction that. Consider removing the comma.

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it empowers
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to pursue their
dreams
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and
consequently
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, discover their latent talents.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, Tomas Edison
did
Verb problem
made

There may be a verb use issue here.

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the world’s most crucial invention, which was his childhood dream
due to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

his mother’s
encouragements
Fix the agreement mistake
encouragement

It seems that encouragements may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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.
As a result
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brought welfare and comfort
in
Change preposition
to

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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human’s
Change noun form
human

It seems that this noun form may be incorrect.

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life.
Furthermore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, inspiring
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to go after their
dreams
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

can lead
in
Change preposition
to

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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upbringing
Correct article usage
the upbringing

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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innovative
Change preposition
of innovative

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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and ambitious individuals in the future, who would be able to offer more efficient solutions to human problems.
In addition
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

method of upbringing
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases

It seems that the verb increase does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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their knowledge,
results
Correct word choice
and results

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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in attaining goals
become
Correct pronoun usage
that become

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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more perceivable and imaginable for them.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, instilling
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

motto in
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

can cause irreparable
damages
Fix the agreement mistake
damage

It seems that damages may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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by getting older.
In other words
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
due to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

the
trainers
Change noun form
trainer's
trainers'

It seems that this noun form may be incorrect.

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or
parents
Change noun form
parents'
parent's

It seems that this noun form may be incorrect.

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encouragements
Fix the agreement mistake
encouragement

It seems that encouragements may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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, they may put themselves under pressure to attain their desires.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, in
the
Correct article usage
a

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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competitive
society
Add a comma
society,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase in the competitive society. Consider adding a comma.

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if they cannot reach what they want, the trauma of defeat would be inevitable. To illustrate
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, we can mention the suicide rate growth among school students after failure
in reaching
Change preposition
to reach

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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their goals.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
inability
Correct article usage
the inability

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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in passing
Change preposition
to pass

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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an exam may cost them their life. In conclusion, in order to have a progressed and intellectual society,
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

should be persuaded to pursue their
dreams
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. Alongside, they should be taught to be realistic and aware of their abilities.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

perspective will help them to behave logically when facing failure.

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task achievement
Make sure to provide a clear thesis statement at the end of your introduction.
task achievement
Provide more detailed explanations and examples to support your ideas.
lexical resource
Try to use more varied vocabulary and avoid repetition.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar. Some sentences are awkwardly constructed and there are a few errors throughout the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
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