IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people work from home using modern technology today. Some people think that only the workers benefit from this and not the employers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
It is often argued that people who prefer to work remotely with the use of modern appliances benefit more than directors. I completely agree with
this
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 statement as directors have more disadvantages ,
such
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 as reduced
productivity
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,
motivation
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 and
collaboration
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 of
workers
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.
Body paragraph 1
One major reason is that working
productivity
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 can slightly
decrease
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 over
time
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.
This
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 is because employers can'
t
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 control the working
time
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 of
workers
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and
Correct word choice
or
show examples
 how much
time
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 they spend working.
For example
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, if online shopping assistants are irresponsible towards their work, their trade will
decrease
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 day by day.
Therefore
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, in
this
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 situation, employers don'
t
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 benefit as they can'
t
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 control the working process and
productivity
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some employees may become distracted by household responsibilities, entertainment, or social media during working hours.
This
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 can make it difficult for managers to identify whether employees are completing their tasks efficiently or simply spending less
time
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 on important duties each day.
Body paragraph 2
Another important reason is that
workers
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'
collaboration
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 might
decrease
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 over
time
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. The reason for
that is
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 that as
workers
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 operate remotely, among them, couldn'
t
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 be
collaboration
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 ;
consequently
Linking Words
, competition between them will decline, and
motivation
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 too.
For instance
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, if among sales operators there is no rivalry, the level of trade will decline over
time
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.
As a result
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, if the working process doesn'
t
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 include competition and
collaboration
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,
workers
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'
motivation
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 will disappear.
Linking Words
Additionally
Add a comma
Additionally,
show examples
 if
workers
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 don'
t
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 communicate, they can not create new ideas and new projects.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I believe that directors don'
t
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 earn many advantages from online work,
this
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 is because they can'
t
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 control the working process and
productivity
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 and
motivation
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 among
workers
Use synonyms
 can
decrease
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Your view is clear: you agree that home workers gain more than employers. However, explain more fully why workers gain. For example, they may save time, save money, and have a more flexible day. Then compare these gains with the problems for employers.
task response
Some ideas are too broad. Do not say productivity, motivation, and team work will all fall without clear support. Pick two main ideas and explain each one with a clear cause and result.
task response
Your examples need to be more real and more exact. The example about online shopping assistants and trade is not fully clear. Say what the worker does, how remote work affects it, and how this affects the employer.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part form: opening, two body parts, and ending. Keep this form, but make each body part focus on one main point only.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer links between ideas. For example: “This means that…”, “As a result…”, and “In contrast…”. Avoid repeating “over time” and “working process” many times.
coherence and cohesion
Make some sentences easier to follow. For example, change “as workers operate remotely, among them, couldn't be collaboration” to “When people work at home, they may have less contact with their team.”
coherence and cohesion
The second body part joins team work, competition, motivation, ideas, and projects in one paragraph. Put these in a clear order: less contact with the team, fewer shared ideas, weaker team work, then a possible fall in results.
task response
You answer the question directly and state your opinion clearly in the opening and ending.
task response
You give two main reasons for your view: lower control of work and weaker team work.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are easy to see, and each body paragraph has a main topic.
coherence and cohesion
You use some useful linking words, such as “For example”, “Therefore”, “Moreover”, and “As a result”.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Telecommuting
  • Remote work
  • Work-life balance
  • Flexibility
  • Productivity
  • Virtual teams
  • Overhead costs
  • Global talent pool
  • Team cohesion
  • Trust-based management
  • Company culture
  • Collaboration tools
  • Video conferencing
  • Digital nomad
  • Cybersecurity concerns
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