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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The charts below show the favourite takeaways of people in Canada and the number of Indian restaurants in Canada between 1960 and 2015.

The charts below show the favourite takeaways of people in Canada and the number of Indian restaurants in Canada between 1960 and 2015.
#show #favourite #takeaways #people #canada #indian #restaurants
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The pie chart illustrates the rate of the best fast
food
Use synonyms
 for people in Canada and
also
Linking Words
 shows the best
food
Use synonyms
 type for people.
Linking Words
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
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 the pie chart shows
the
Change the article
a
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 load of Indian restaurants in Canada between 1960 and 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
 the proportion of Chinese shows that people love Chinese fast
food
Use synonyms
 more than another sort of
food
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, there are three countries that show low percentages
As
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Japan,
Greek
Correct your spelling
Greece
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 and Mexican. Looking in more detail, the highest chunk
were
Change the verb form
was
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 for Chinese and
Indian
Replace the word
Indians
show examples
 the percentages were 34 %, and 26% respectively.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the other types of
food
Use synonyms
 appeared close percentage as Italian, Persian and the type of favourite takeaways which is never ordered, the percentages were 10%,9%,and
11%respectively
Correct your spelling
11 %respectively
.
Also
Linking Words
, there are three types of
countries
Change noun form
countries'
country's
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 showing the same % which was 1%. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand, the number of Indian restaurants shows a different bulk in all years,
firstly
Linking Words
 in 1960 the number was about 300 and after 10 years the
amount
Use synonyms
 has increased to around 1000
then
Linking Words
 in 1980 the
amount
Use synonyms
 shows
rocketed
Correct article usage
a rocketed
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 Increase it is extant to around 3000
also
Linking Words
 for 1990 there was
clear
Correct article usage
a clear
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 increase the
amount
Use synonyms
 was around 5000
then
Linking Words
 from 1997 to 2015 the
amount
Use synonyms
 was very close it was between 7900
to
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 9000.
Submitted by fatemah221027 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words food, amount with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • charts
  • favourite takeaways
  • people in Canada
  • number of Indian restaurants
  • 1960
  • 2015
  • types of takeaways
  • popular
  • 55 years
  • country
  • time frame
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