IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that visitors to other countries should follow local customs and behaviours. Other disagree and think that the host country should welcome cultural differences. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #visitors #countries #customs #behaviours #host #country #differences
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Work-life balance is a debatable argument. Groups of individuals claim that it is vital to dedicate our
time
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 to building a great career.
However
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, others believe in spending
time
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 with family and
friends
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. I personally think that allocating
time
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 for both is crucial and spending too much
time
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 on one of them is a huge mistake. A successful job would lead to numerous benefits.
Firstly
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, if someone has a valuable job, they can earn a sustainable amount of money.
Consequently
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, their
families
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 would have a fancy life, but they would not be able to see each other, as they have to work long hours.
For example
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, a survey was conducted by the BBC, in 2019, to assess the hours that wealthy
families
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, in London, spent at their work. The results illustrate that in those
families
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 the average working hours are 55
in
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apply
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a week, which is much higher than
this
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 number in a middle-class family, which is 40.
Secondly
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, a successful career brings power.
For instance
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 one of the most powerful men in the world is Ilan Mask. He has dedicated all of his
time
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 to achieving a successful business. Albeit, by choosing the power, he has lost his chance to have a family.
On the other hand
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, spending
time
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 with family and
friends
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 is the first priority for many people, believing that their family is the most valuable asset for everyone. New research shows that 68 per cent of
the
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apply
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middle-class communities think their
families
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 and
friends
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 are more important than their jobs, and they would prefer spending
time
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 with them.
To sum up
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, whether someone wants to spend their
time
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 with their family and
friends
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, or to build a successful career depends on their priorities.
Thus
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, if they wanted to have more money and power, they would choose their jobs. Notwithstanding, family is a precious asset for many groups,
they
Correct word choice
and they
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 would prefer spending
time
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 with them. I strongly agree that we should have a balance between our work life and personal life. Spending too much
time
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 on each one is not
a
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the
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 right decision.
Submitted by fbagheri285 on

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coherence cohesion
Develop each point further by providing more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments.
task achievement
Clearly state your own opinion and provide a clear position on the topic.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance your essay.
grammatical range accuracy
Vary your sentence structures and use more complex sentence structures to demonstrate a higher level of grammatical range.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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