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Band 4

n many cities, crime is increasing. Why do you think this is happening? what can government do to help reduce crime levels?

#n #cities #crime #government #levels
As the nuclear
arms
 race has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
escalated, after the 1960s the concept of
ARMS
CONTROL
 was created. It means to
control
 the development and deployment of military power or a specific weapon system.
This
 is an international decision, Ultimately it is aimed at inhibiting nuclear tests and preventing world war.
And
Correct word choice
This
show examples
this
 includes a documented agreement
as well as
 informal self-regulation. In the past, the United States
singed
Correct your spelling
signed
show examples
 multiple quantitative
arms
control
agreements
 with the Soviet Union during the Cold War. The agreement limited their stockpiles of nuclear
weapons
 and intercontinental ballistic missiles. It mean that the number of
weapons
 was limited to produce, store and deploy.
Also
, some
agreements
 can ban certain types of
weapons
.
For example
, the Chemical
Weapons
 Convention (CWC) forbids making and using
weapons
 like sarin or mustard gas. NPT, Nuclear Nonproliferation Treaty is included the
Arms
control
. It works that it
make
Verb problem
is
show examples
 impossible to get nuclear
weapons
 except for certain countries
such
 as the US, China, France, England, and Russia.
However
, these
agreements
 have specific limitations.
Firstly
, countries can
choice
Replace the word
choose
show examples
 or deny international laws for their
Correct word choice
own benefits
show examples
benefits
Fix the agreement mistake
benefit
show examples
.
In particular
, North
Korea
, India, Pakistan and Israel don’t accept NPT, they all have Nuclear
weapons
.
Secondly
, even if any country breaks the rules, it cannot be punished. Syria, which signed the CWC, has used banned chemical
weapons
 for over 10 years, but the International community has failed to stop them.
Thirdly
, the
agreements
 cannot cover development technologies very fast. On the one hand, especially in
Korea
, the government organized “the
Korea
Arms
Control
 Verification Agency” to deal with North
Korea
Change noun form
Korea's
show examples
 problems. They have been trying to reduce tensions between South and North
Korea
 through
arms
control
.
Submitted by girl21237 on

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task achievement
The essay does not directly address the given topic. It focuses on arms control instead of the reasons for increasing crime and government actions to reduce it.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are not present in the essay. It lacks a clear introduction to the topic and a conclusion summarizing the main points.
coherence and cohesion
The essay lacks coherence and cohesion. The logical structure of the essay is not clear and the ideas are not effectively connected.
task achievement
The essay lacks clear and comprehensive ideas. It does not explicitly discuss the reasons for increasing crime or provide a clear argument on government actions to reduce it.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant specific examples related to arms control, but they are not directly related to the topic of increasing crime and government actions to reduce it.
grammatical range and accuracy
The essay has a variety of grammatical errors. It lacks proper sentence structures and uses incorrect verb tenses.
lexical resource
The essay lacks a sufficient range of vocabulary. It relies on repetitive language and does not demonstrate advanced use of vocabulary.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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