IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Overpopulation of urban areas has led to numerous problems. Identify one or two serious ones and suggest ways that governments and individuals can tackle these problems.

#overpopulation #areas #two #ones #governments #individuals
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The number of people is rising every day,
citizens
Correct word choice
and citizens
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 from rural areas are moving to large cities. In
this
 essay, an attempt will be made to explain the issues which have resulted in
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of workplaces and expensive accommodation.
This
 problem
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
also
recommend
Correct subject-verb agreement
recommends
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 various ways to resolve the situation.
One
 could think of various issues that cause overcrowding. First and foremost, the rapid pace of population growth has led to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 minority of jobs and huge competition.
As a consequence
, there are from 10 to 15 employees, who pretend
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
one
 working place.
For instance
, in Kazakhstan, there is an upward trend of youngsters who move to bigger towns
such
 as Almaty or Astana in order to find employment.
Secondly
, the younger generation and people from villages leave their
hometown
Fix the agreement mistake
hometowns
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 for a better life. It can be a problem of cost of living. Householders increase the price of renting flats.
For example
, the rental price in Astana for a flat is 250000 tenge per month,
meanwhile
Add a comma
meanwhile,
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 the same apartment in Pavlodar costs 150000 per month. There are two ways any region can try to cope with overpopulation.
One
 possible approach would be for the governments to encourage financially current businesses and companies to expand.
Moreover
, it should create all possibilities for new entrepreneurs.
For example
, there is a grant for young businessmen in Kazakhstan, called “Damu”.
As a result
, people, who get
this
 financial support, set up their own
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
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 or extend existing
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
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. Another feasible approach is to allocate more money
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
infrastructure
Correct article usage
the infrastructure
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 of the city. In Semey, as an example, there have been built recently a new district “Karagaily”
as
Correct word choice
apply
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to escape overcrowding. In conclusion, the majority of issues are caused by overpopulation that should be solved in recent
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
.
Submitted by aysulu20152 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • strain on infrastructure
  • public services
  • overcrowded
  • inadequate healthcare services
  • pressure on educational institutions
  • environmental impact
  • increased pollution
  • waste management
  • destruction of green spaces
  • natural habitats
What to do next:
Look at other essays: