IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that living in high-rise apartments feels very lonely and makes people unhappy. Others say there are advantages to living in a big apartment building. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #apartments #apartment
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
contemporary
Add an article
a contemporary
the contemporary
show examples
 world and modern urbanization, many individuals prefer to live in high-rise
apartments
Use synonyms
 or buildings. Some folks believe that an individual who lives in an apartment often
feel
Correct subject-verb agreement
feels
show examples
 lonely and
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
 depressed.
Linking Words
While other
Correct word choice
Other
show examples
 groups of experts argue that there are more
benefits
Use synonyms
 to
live
Wrong verb form
living
show examples
 in high-rise
apartment
Fix the agreement mistake
apartments
show examples
 as there are more
people
Use synonyms
 to live
.
Change preposition
with.
show examples
 In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss both
merits
Correct article usage
the merits
show examples
 and demerits of living a life in high-rise buildings and later give my opinion. On one hand, there are numerous
benefits
Use synonyms
 to
live
Wrong verb form
living
show examples
 in
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
apartments
Use synonyms
 or tall buildings.
Firstly
Linking Words
, there are different kind of
people
Use synonyms
 from different cultures and traditions are live together in building which help an individual to learn and develop new culture and traditions.
Secondly
Linking Words
, there are many
neighbours
Use synonyms
 available
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
next
doors
Fix the agreement mistake
door
show examples
, so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they can help each other in any crucial
situations
Fix the agreement mistake
situation
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,many high-rise
apartments
Use synonyms
 offer
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
various facilities
such
Linking Words
 as swimming pools
ang
Correct your spelling
and
 gymnasium, so that members of societies not only just live but
also
Linking Words
benefits
Use synonyms
 from other recreation facilities.
Thus
Linking Words
, living in
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apartments
an apartment
show examples
apartments
Use synonyms
 bring lots of facilities and immense
supports
Fix the agreement mistake
support
show examples
 from
neighbours
Use synonyms
, which makes a life happy.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are many drawbacks to
stay
Wrong verb form
staying
show examples
 in
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
an apartment
apartments
show examples
apartments
Use synonyms
. In many foreign countries,
people
Use synonyms
 live by themselves and
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
 make any contact with
neighbours
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, many individuals prefer to stay silent and live peacefully without having any disturbance. That sometimes
result
Change the verb form
results
show examples
as
Change preposition
in
show examples
 
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
depression or anxiety, because there are living secular life.
In addition
Linking Words
, sometimes
people
Use synonyms
 have problems with
neighbours
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 unexpected reading or parking issues, which causes negative
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 society. In conclusion, to live in a house or an apartment is a personal choice and preference.
However
Linking Words
, in my opinion, the advantages of living in an
Use synonyms
Fix the agreement mistake
apartment
show examples
apartments
Fix the agreement mistake
apartment
show examples
 outweigh
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
more
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
than
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
show examples
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
show examples
 that an
Fix the agreement mistake
individual
show examples
individuals
Fix the agreement mistake
individual
show examples
 can have more
benefits
Use synonyms
 to live in
apartments
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by bhavsar.urvashi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to use appropriate punctuation.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: