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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information about the percentage of population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040.

The graph below gives information about the percentage of population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040.
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The line graph illustrates how the percentages of the population living in the city of 4 different Asian
countries
Use synonyms
 changed every decade from 1970 to 2020; which
also
Linking Words
show
Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
show examples
 expectations about city living
percent
Use synonyms
 in 2030 and 2040.
Overall
Linking Words
, all
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
4
countries
Use synonyms
'
Use synonyms
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 living in cities
Use synonyms
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 over the given period. In the future, 4
countries
Use synonyms
 are expected to
increase
Use synonyms
 sustainability, quite similar to each other regarded
countries
Use synonyms
.
First,
Linking Words
from 1970 to 1990, the cities living rates
increase
Use synonyms
 in all four
countries
Use synonyms
. The
Use synonyms
percent
Replace the word
percentages
show examples
 of Indonesia and Thailand
increase
Use synonyms
 stably from approximately 14;
15
Correct word choice
and 15
show examples
% to around 22 and 28% respectively.
Philippines'
Correct article usage
The Philippines'
show examples
 city living
Use synonyms
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
 in the first regarded period (1970-1980)
is mostly remain
Change the verb form
mostly remains
show examples
 the same
of
Change preposition
as
show examples
 the previous year; around 32%,
then
Linking Words
increases
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 sharply to almost 50% in 1990. From 1990 to 2020, the
Use synonyms
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
 of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
live
Wrong verb form
living
show examples
 in
cities
Correct article usage
the cities
show examples
 of Thailand and
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
fluctuate
Wrong verb form
fluctuated
show examples
 around 30% and 46% respectively. There
Linking Words
also
Add a missing verb
is also
show examples
 a big
increase
Use synonyms
 in
Malaysian
Replace the word
Malaysia
show examples
 and Indonesia
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
reach
Wrong verb form
reaching
show examples
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
around 75% and 60% in 2020 respectively.
Second,
Linking Words
in the rest period, 2020-2040, there
expected
Add a missing verb
is expected
show examples
 to
increase
Use synonyms
 in 4
countries
Use synonyms
 and they are all predicted to reach those peaks in 2040
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to the given time. Malaysia will
increase
Use synonyms
 to around 85% in 2040.
Similarly
Linking Words
, Indonesia will
at
Add a missing verb
be at
show examples
 approximately 63%,
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
 will be around 55% and Thailand at about 45%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words countries, percent, increase with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 8 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 6 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • graph
  • percentage
  • population
  • Asian countries
  • living in cities
  • 1970
  • 2020
  • predictions
  • 2030
  • 2040
  • introduction
  • overview
  • trend
  • body paragraph
  • compare
  • predicted percentages
  • summarize
  • closing statement
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