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a bar graph about major subjects chossen by both genders in 2010

#bar #subjects #chossen #genders
The bar graph illustrates the major subject
choosen
Correct your spelling
chosen
 by the students in 2010 at a US university.
It is clear that
 both
men
Change noun form
men's
show examples
 and
women
Change noun form
women's
show examples
 participation
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 finance was equal and was the highest
choosen
Correct your spelling
chosen
 subject .
Although
Correct word choice
However
show examples
,engineering was the lowest selected subject by both genders.
Moreover
,all
genders
Change noun form
gender's
genders'
show examples
 engagement
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 finance has a count of more than 200.Following that,engineering
was
Verb problem
had
show examples
 the least
participated
Replace the word
participation
show examples
 with
minimal
Change the article
a minimal
the minimal
show examples
 number of 52.Apart from ,these two subjects,every other
subjects
Fix the agreement mistake
subject
show examples
 shows a huge contrast in gender choice.
For instance
,females
dominates
Change the verb form
dominate
show examples
men
 in fields like marketing which is 135 and accounting
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is 200. Other than that,
men
rules
Change the verb form
rule
show examples
 over the economics and mathematics subjects.
In particular
,the
dominators
Change to a genitive case
dominator's
dominators'
show examples
 number in accounts and maths were
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
that is
 200.
While
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
in
economics
Add a comma
economics,
show examples
men
Change noun form
men's
show examples
 rate was 150 and does not sum up with
womens
Correct your spelling
women
women's
 count in marketing. i
Submitted by insighttribez on

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content
Be more specific in your introduction. Instead of saying 'major subjects', mention the specific subjects that are being represented in the graph.
structure
Organize your essay into separate paragraphs for each gender and subject.
vocabulary
Use more specific and varied vocabulary to accurately describe the data.
grammar
Proofread your essay for grammatical errors and improve sentence structure for clarity.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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