a bar graph about major subjects chossen by both genders in 2010

#bar #subjects #chossen #genders

The bar graph illustrates the major subject

choosen

Correct your spelling

chosen

by the students in 2010 at a US university.

It is clear that

both

men

Change noun form

men's

show examples

and

women

Change noun form

women's

show examples

participation

Change preposition

show examples

finance was equal and was the highest

choosen

Correct your spelling

chosen

subject .

Although

Correct word choice

However

show examples

,engineering was the lowest selected subject by both genders.

Moreover

,all

genders

Change noun form

gender's

genders'

show examples

engagement

Change preposition

show examples

finance has a count of more than 200.Following that,engineering

was

Verb problem

had

show examples

the least

participated

Replace the word

participation

show examples

with

minimal

Change the article

a minimal

the minimal

show examples

number of 52.Apart from ,these two subjects,every other

subjects

Fix the agreement mistake

subject

show examples

shows a huge contrast in gender choice.

For instance

,females

dominates

Change the verb form

dominate

show examples

men

in fields like marketing which is 135 and accounting

that

Correct pronoun usage

which

show examples

is 200. Other than that,

men

rules

Change the verb form

rule

show examples

over the economics and mathematics subjects.

In particular

,the

dominators

Change to a genitive case

dominator's

dominators'

show examples

number in accounts and maths were

same

Correct article usage

the same

show examples

that is

200.

While

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

economics

Add a comma

economics,

show examples

men

Change noun form

men's

show examples

rate was 150 and does not sum up with

womens

Correct your spelling

women

women's

count in marketing. i

Submitted by insighttribez on Tue Oct 17 2023

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content

Be more specific in your introduction. Instead of saying 'major subjects', mention the specific subjects that are being represented in the graph.

structure

Organize your essay into separate paragraphs for each gender and subject.

vocabulary

Use more specific and varied vocabulary to accurately describe the data.

grammar

Proofread your essay for grammatical errors and improve sentence structure for clarity.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

134 words

<40

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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a bar graph about major subjects chossen by both genders in 2010

Fully explain your ideas

nowadays, a growing number of people with health problem are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In spite of many advances women have made in education and employment, they continue to be at a disadvantage when it comes to pay and promotion. In your view, what should be done to promote equality of opportunity for men and women in the workplace?

When it comes to workplace, we normally think we have to go there to work. A lot of us commute work every day. However, there are some people who work remotely at their homes or away from their offices. What do you think is the reason why some companies permit their employees to work this way?

‘Healthcare should always be funded by governments, and it should always be free for people to use.’ To what extent do you agree or disagree with this idea?