Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
A
defense
of their own country is an important role for every citizen in that region. Some countries have their own system of Change the spelling
defence
a
compulsory military Remove the article
apply
service
for young men
after graduation from school. So, some people
believe that this
a
good way to adjust Add a missing verb
is a
this
approach for men
and probably for women. I completely disagree with this
statement, because the professional army is much better for military purposes and that system could result in less number of professional employees in that country.
Professional
army, which consists of Add an article
A professional
special
trained Change the adjective
specially
people
with great physical state
, has much more impact Fix the agreement mistake
states
to
defending borders in regions Change preposition
on
rather
than young Rephrase
apply
men
, who were trained for one year. For example
, many countries have their
professional army for Correct pronoun usage
apply
defense
borders.Change the spelling
defence
This
occupation is well-paid, so some citizens volunteery
Correct your spelling
volunteers
volunteer
want
to be a part of that, Fix the infinitive
to want
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
resuls
in the increase of well-trained Correct your spelling
results
people
who are ready to fight for military purposes.
A considerable number of people
after graduation have skills and knowledge to
their Change preposition
for
further
career or education and compulsory military service
with a duration for
a year is a huge step back in their professional life.They were planning a Change preposition
of
further
career when the government interfered in their life with a
compulsory training, so Correct article usage
apply
this
approach is not effective. For instance
, in Russia, there is compulsory military service
after graduation from school or university, and a lot of young men
want to avoid this
training in order to become an employee or continue their education. If they go to that training, they will lose knowledge and skills, and also
time to become a specialist in their field.
In conclusion, an approach in
compulsory Change preposition
to
service
does not work for citizens who plan their career
and Fix the agreement mistake
careers
also
for the government, because the professionalarmy
Correct your spelling
professionals
much
more effective Add a missing verb
are much
rather
than average citizens.Rephrase
apply
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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite