Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
A
defense
Change the spelling
defence
show examples
of their own country is an important role for every citizen in that region. Some countries have their own system of
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
compulsory military
service
Use synonyms
for young
men
Use synonyms
after graduation from school. So, some
people
Use synonyms
believe that
this
Linking Words
a
Add a missing verb
is a
show examples
good way to adjust
this
Linking Words
approach for
men
Use synonyms
and probably for women. I completely disagree with
this
Linking Words
statement, because the professional army is much better for military purposes and that system could result in less number of professional employees in that country.
Professional
Add an article
A professional
show examples
army, which consists of
special
Change the adjective
specially
show examples
trained
people
Use synonyms
with great physical
state
Fix the agreement mistake
states
show examples
, has much more impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
defending borders in regions
rather
Rephrase
apply
show examples
than young
men
Use synonyms
, who were trained for one year.
For example
Linking Words
, many countries have
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
professional army for
defense
Change the spelling
defence
show examples
borders.
This
Linking Words
occupation is well-paid, so some citizens
volunteery
Correct your spelling
volunteers
volunteer
want
Fix the infinitive
to want
show examples
to be a part of that,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
resuls
Correct your spelling
results
in the increase of well-trained
people
Use synonyms
who are ready to fight for military purposes. A considerable number of
people
Use synonyms
after graduation have skills and knowledge
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
their
further
Linking Words
career or education and compulsory military
service
Use synonyms
with a duration
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
a year is a huge step back in their professional life.They were planning a
further
Linking Words
career when the government interfered in their life with
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
compulsory training, so
this
Linking Words
approach is not effective.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Russia, there is compulsory military
service
Use synonyms
after graduation from school or university, and a lot of young
men
Use synonyms
want to avoid
this
Linking Words
training in order to become an employee or continue their education. If they go to that training, they will lose knowledge and skills, and
also
Linking Words
time to become a specialist in their field. In conclusion, an approach
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
compulsory
service
Use synonyms
does not work for citizens who plan their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
and
also
Linking Words
for the government, because the
professionalarmy
Correct your spelling
professionals
much
Add a missing verb
are much
show examples
more effective
rather
Rephrase
apply
show examples
than average citizens.
Submitted by aleskovamaria02 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Compulsory
  • Military service
  • Conscription
  • Patriotism
  • National security
  • Social equality
  • Discipline
  • Physical fitness
  • Life skills
  • Job training
  • Infringement
  • Conscripts
  • Gender equality
  • Mandatory
  • Economy
  • Education system
  • Labor market
  • Civil service
  • Alternative forms
  • Balanced view
What to do next:
Look at other essays: