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Band 5

using animals to test the safety of cosmetic or drugs used for medical reasons is never acceptable. To what extent do you agree with this statement.

#animals #test #safety #drugs
As a representative of
GLI
, there are
certainly
Change the adverb
certain
show examples
 things that I must and need to bring as a delegate, individual, and duet. What I will do as an individual is to generate
ideas
 that I will do by looking at the big theme of COP28. The
ideas
 that are obtained will certainly be right on target considering the idea is related to climate change
that is
 happening today. The importance of being a delegate
also
 does not escape my obligations so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
I will bring the concerns that
GLI
leaders
 have to be conveyed and discussed. The role and
ideas
 of the
leaders
 have a big contribution to
provide
Wrong verb form
providing
show examples
 input and suggestions to the delegates.
Finally
, as a duet, combining the two
ideas
 of a partner is certainly a very mandatory thing to do because it can open up the perspective of each individual from the problems brought. The differences that occur will lead to good things because they will learn to complement each other.
GLI
Leaders
 need to care about the
results
 of COP28 so my task after the post-conference is to disseminate the approval
results
 that I get to the
leaders
 for
further
 review. The
results
 obtained will certainly be very useful because they can find out which areas are of concern to be addressed in climate change from COP28. Of course, the capacity of
leaders
 will increase so that green
leaders
 will be born from all corners of the world based on the
results
 of COP28.
In addition
, I will
also
 invite
leaders
 to collaborate with various communities to form real actions that have a big impact. It will be good for
leaders
 to keep working at any time to support a better earth. The
last
 thing I will do is to prevent climate change by campaigning on social media that I have, namely the "Jurnal Iklim" website and Instagram "@jurnaliklim".
Therefore
, I hope that I can get the opportunity to become a delegate from
GLI
 for Indonesia at COP28.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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coherence cohesion
The essay does not sufficiently address the given task. Make sure to focus on whether using animals to test the safety of cosmetics or drugs for medical reasons is acceptable or not.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that there is a clear introduction and conclusion in the essay.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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