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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The pie charts above give information about how water is used in San Diego, California and worldwide.

The pie charts above give information about how water is used in San Diego, California and worldwide.
The three pie charts compare the percentages of water used in
San
Use synonyms
Diego
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,
California
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, and worldwide. In different fields like residential,
industry
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, and
Agriculture
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
 what is shown, ‏the residential percentage of water use in
San
Use synonyms
Diego
Use synonyms
 is higher than in
California
Use synonyms
 and worldwide.
Also
Linking Words
, the rate of
agriculture
Use synonyms
 worldwide is greater than others. in
California
Use synonyms
, the bonus for
industry
Use synonyms
 is higher than other percentages.
Then
Linking Words
 In
San
Use synonyms
Diego
Use synonyms
, the residential was 60%,
while
Linking Words
 the
industry
Use synonyms
 was 23% And
Agriculture
Use synonyms
 was 17%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
California
Use synonyms
 the residential was 39%, the
industry
Use synonyms
 33%, and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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agriculture
Use synonyms
 28%. And worldwide
agriculture
Use synonyms
 was 69% and
industry
Use synonyms
 23% And
finally
Linking Words
, the residential 8% and it is the Lowest rate.
Overall
Linking Words
, We note that water use rates vary in
California
Use synonyms
,
San
Use synonyms
Diego
Use synonyms
, and the world.

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words san, diego, california, industry, agriculture with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • pie charts
  • water usage
  • San Diego, California
  • worldwide
  • comparison
  • different ways
  • patterns
  • impact
  • environment
  • efforts
  • conserve
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