22.The bar chart shows information about the favourite subjects of students from two middle schools, school A and school B. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

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The bar graph below displays the courses that children from two middle schools like the most.

Overall

Linking Words

, there are big differences between both schools, sport had a proportion many times greater than any other subject in

School

Use synonyms

A. The other significant feature of the graph is that drawing is the most popular in

School

Use synonyms

B In

School

Use synonyms

A, sports had a portion of around 72%, being the best-loved course. The other four subjects are all at a lower percentage, the next highest is science with approximately 18%, followed by math with 12%.

While

Linking Words

only one-tenth of people liked literature, drawing was set to be the biggest loser with only 8%. In

School

Use synonyms

B, the favourite subject of half of the students is drawing, which is the most popular class. The next most liked course is literature with approximately 37%, followed by math with one-fifth of students, sports has half the percentage of mathematics,

while

Linking Words

science had the least votes with only nearly 5%.

Submitted by elenazheng1211 on Tue Oct 17 2023

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".

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Vocabulary: Replace the words school with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.

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2
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

163 words

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22.The bar chart shows information about the favourite subjects of students from two middle schools, school A and school B. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

Today, the majority of children are raised by their grandparents due to the fact that their parents are busy working. To what extend do you think it effects the while family?

These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mothers go out to work. What could be the reasons for this? Do you think it is a positive or a negative development?

It is sometimes said that people who think only about themselves are happier because they get what they want. Others say that selfish people have no friends and are usually lonely. Why do you think some people act selfishly? Is it good to be selfish?

Many people around the world use social media everyday to keep in touch with other people and get news events. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?