IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

The chart below shows the results of a survey into the causes of poor school attendance in the UK in 2007.

The chart below shows the results of a survey into the causes of poor school attendance in the UK in 2007.
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The
given
Verb problem
apply
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pie chart draws the data
according to
Linking Words
 a survey into the reasons for poor
school
Use synonyms
 attendance in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 in 2007.
Overall
Linking Words
, 40% of
school
Use synonyms
 absenteeism is
due to
Linking Words
 both working parents,
whereas
Linking Words
 25% accounts
Linking Words
due to
Change preposition
for
show examples
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of
school
Use synonyms
 discipline.
Rest
Correct article usage
The rest
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 of the 30% is because of peer group pressure and bullying among them. 
Although
Linking Words
 40% of poor attendance is
due to
Linking Words
 both working parents,
Linking Words
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
25% is because
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 lack of
school
Use synonyms
 discipline.
Remaining
Correct article usage
The remaining
show examples
 30% accounts for peer group pressure,
bullying
Correct word choice
and bullying
show examples
 of the children,
whereas
Linking Words
 bullying is one of the
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
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 accounting for about 5% of the total
due to
Linking Words
 which there is
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of attendance of children.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "due to, whereas".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words school with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • attendance
  • survey
  • causes
  • parental involvement
  • bullying
  • safety concerns
  • academic performance
  • motivation
  • physical health
  • mental health
  • support
  • resources
  • students
  • peer pressure
  • influence
  • school environment
  • curriculum
  • transportation issues
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