Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Nowadays, with the advancement of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

technology

children

Use synonyms

are allowed to use gadgets

such

Linking Words

as smartphones. Many teenagers

allocate

Verb problem

spend

show examples

most of their days on their smartphones.

A long

Correct article usage

Long

show examples

screen time

distract

Change the verb form

distracts

show examples

students from focusing when studying and barrier

for

Change preposition

show examples

their social skills development. For me,

this

Linking Words

trend is totally harmful

for

Change the preposition

show examples

them. It is believed that gadgets

Change the verb form

are

show examples

an additional tool to support

children

Use synonyms

to succeed academically. In fact, a lot of

students

Change noun form

students'

student's

show examples

performance declined

due to

Linking Words

technological expansion. many students are not able to divide attention when studying because of

distraction

Fix the agreement mistake

distractions

show examples

from phones. My sister

for example

Linking Words

, after school time, she

suppose

Wrong verb form

supposed

show examples

to do her homework directly, so that she can utilize her time in the evening to take a rest.

How ever

Correct your spelling

However

show examples

, she always finds it hard because she cannot refuse to scroll on Tiktok.

As a result

Linking Words

, her

overall

Linking Words

performance

decline

Wrong verb form

declined

show examples

compare

Wrong verb form

compared

show examples

to when she had no smartphone. Another cost of

gadget

Fix the agreement mistake

gadgets

show examples

is it has

limited

Wrong verb form

limit

show examples

Use synonyms

children

Change noun form

children's

show examples

interaction with

people

Use synonyms

around them. In the past, we rarely found

introvert

Replace the word

introverted

show examples

kids

Use synonyms

, because most of them were forced to interact with

other

Fix the agreement mistake

others

show examples

by playing or other social activities.

however

Linking Words

, nowadays the number of

introvert

Replace the word

introverted

show examples

children

Use synonyms

is increasing and technology

deserved

Wrong verb form

deserves

show examples

to be blamed for

this

Linking Words

trend. Teenagers' interaction with

people

Use synonyms

around

Remove the redundancy

apply

show examples

them is limited

due to

Linking Words

comfy

Correct article usage

the comfy

show examples

feeling that they

received

Wrong verb form

receive

show examples

from playing with their phones.

Linking Words

Capitalize word

show examples

a result, many

kids

Use synonyms

are not able to perform well in society

such

Linking Words

as feeling shy when meeting

people

Use synonyms

or cannot speak in front of many

people

Use synonyms

. In conclusion,

kids

Use synonyms

using

gadget

Fix the agreement mistake

gadgets

show examples

could

cost

Verb problem

cause

show examples

a lot of disadvantages

such

Linking Words

lack

Correct article usage

a lack

show examples

of focus to study and slow development of social skills. Parents should take

this

Linking Words

issue seriously and forbid their

kids

Use synonyms

Change preposition

from

show examples

using smartphones.

misstiasclassroomWed Oct 18 2023

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task achievement

Expand on the reasons why children spend hours on smartphones.

task achievement

Provide more specific examples to support your points.

coherence cohesion

Improve the coherence and flow between sentences and paragraphs.

coherence cohesion

Add a clear introduction and conclusion to the essay.

lexical resource

Use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance your essay.

grammatical range accuracy

Check your grammar and sentence structure to improve accuracy.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
28
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

293 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

smartphones
usage
technology
accessibility
convenience
entertainment
gaming
social media
communication
educational resources
addiction
dependence
negative effects
physical health
mental health

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Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Your opinion

Some people think that governments should give financial support to creative artists such as painters and musicians. Others believe that creative artist should be funded by alternative sources. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

We cannot help everyone in the world that needs help, so we should only be concerned with our own communities and countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

The government's investment in arts, music and theatre is waste of money. Government should invest these funds in public service instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.

In a world increasingly driven by technology, to what extent do you agree that traditional art forms are losing their relevance? Discuss both sides and give your opinion.