Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

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Nowadays, with the advancement of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technology
children
Use synonyms
are allowed to use gadgets
such
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as smartphones. Many teenagers
allocate
Verb problem
spend
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most of their days on their smartphones.
A long
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Long
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screen time
distract
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distracts
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students from focusing when studying and barrier
for
Change preposition
to
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their social skills development. For me,
this
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trend is totally harmful
for
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to
show examples
them. It is believed that gadgets
is
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are
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an additional tool to support
children
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to succeed academically. In fact, a lot of
students
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students'
student's
show examples
performance declined
due to
Linking Words
technological expansion. many students are not able to divide attention when studying because of
distraction
Fix the agreement mistake
distractions
show examples
from phones. My sister
for example
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, after school time, she
suppose
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supposed
show examples
to do her homework directly, so that she can utilize her time in the evening to take a rest.
How ever
Correct your spelling
However
show examples
, she always finds it hard because she cannot refuse to scroll on Tiktok.
As a result
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, her
overall
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performance
decline
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declined
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compare
Wrong verb form
compared
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to when she had no smartphone. Another cost of
gadget
Fix the agreement mistake
gadgets
show examples
is it has
limited
Wrong verb form
limit
show examples
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
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interaction with
people
Use synonyms
around them. In the past, we rarely found
introvert
Replace the word
introverted
show examples
kids
Use synonyms
, because most of them were forced to interact with
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
by playing or other social activities.
however
Linking Words
, nowadays the number of
introvert
Replace the word
introverted
show examples
children
Use synonyms
is increasing and technology
deserved
Wrong verb form
deserves
show examples
to be blamed for
this
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trend. Teenagers' interaction with
people
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around
around
Remove the redundancy
apply
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them is limited
due to
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comfy
Correct article usage
the comfy
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feeling that they
received
Wrong verb form
receive
show examples
from playing with their phones.
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as
Capitalize word
As
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a result, many
kids
Use synonyms
are not able to perform well in society
such
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as feeling shy when meeting
people
Use synonyms
or cannot speak in front of many
people
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. In conclusion,
kids
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using
gadget
Fix the agreement mistake
gadgets
show examples
could
cost
Verb problem
cause
show examples
a lot of disadvantages
such
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as
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
of focus to study and slow development of social skills. Parents should take
this
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issue seriously and forbid their
kids
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in
Change preposition
from
show examples
using smartphones.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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task achievement
Expand on the reasons why children spend hours on smartphones.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Improve the coherence and flow between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Add a clear introduction and conclusion to the essay.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance your essay.
grammatical range accuracy
Check your grammar and sentence structure to improve accuracy.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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