The line graph gives information about a number of using of public transportation system by different ages and location of dwellers in 2016.

The line graph gives information about a number of using of public transportation system by different ages and location of dwellers in 2016.
The graph illustrates a clear difference in the pattern of public
transport
utilisation between people who live in large
cities
as well as
other citizens in 2018. To summarize, it is evident that in large citizens
transport
role is more crucial than the other residents.
Thus
line utilisation in that area shows high degrees between adults
as well as
youngsters.
To begin
with, the most popular ages of utilizing the transportation system is in several cases of ages.
For example
Add a comma
,
show examples
the beginning
using
Change preposition
of using
show examples
public
transport
between 0 and 30 has been popular in large
cities
these degrees more than the other residents.
Furthermore
, we can see that the majority living in large
cities
are not only popular among youngsters or adults but
also
in
this
graph shows 31 and 45 as
this
argument significantly increased after several ages. As soon as
according to
holders in
this
type we can understand
this
type of public
transport
is not popular in large
cities
as the line of
this
dramatically decreased 10.
To sum up
Add a comma
,
show examples
to the other residents we can see that in
this
are majority not fond of utilising public transports. Since the lines of
this
show dramatically decreasing during the period.
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "as well as".
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words transport, cities with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "dramatically" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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