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Band 5.5

Young people today are better qualified than they were in the past. Some people argue that this is because competition for jobs is greater that it used to be. Others say that people only continue their education because the opportunities exist for them to do so. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #competition #jobs #education #opportunities
It is stated that young
people
 today are better qualified than they were in the past. There are
people
 who believe
this
 is because the current
job
 market
gets
Wrong verb form
is getting
show examples
 more and more competitive,
while
 the other says
this
 is because education opportunities are easier to access. Both statements have their own reasons and arguments. In
this
 era of globalization, there is no doubt that where we live is getting more and more irrelevant to where we can go to work. When it comes to
job
 opportunities, we are currently shifting, from nation citizens
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 to global citizens. The Internet provides an incredibly vast option for us to what we can get our hands on, whether
its
Correct your spelling
it's
show examples
 information or relation. Space and distance are no longer an obstacle. The borders have been lifted by technology. There is no limit to where we can go to work as long as we have the proper qualifications that are needed.
People
 doing a project from their laptop for other
people
 across the globe is already a common thing to see. So,
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 no wonder if the
job
 market keeps getting more saturated and the
people
 are getting more and more ambitious. Not only access to
job
 opportunities, the advancement of our technology
also
 provides incredible improvement
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 our access to education. It is common for us to meet some of our friends who are pursuing higher education in their own fields
while
 their parents don’t even have a degree in college.
This
 situation
also
 has a direct correlation to the first argument, the better qualified the general workforce
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
, the harder it gets to land a
job
. I agree with the first argument
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because it
summarize
Change the verb form
summarizes
show examples
 the very basic reason
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
why young
people
 today are getting more and more qualified.
Submitted by heyyo on

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coherence cohesion
Provide a stronger argument for the second view.
coherence cohesion
Include a concluding paragraph that summarizes the main points and restates your opinion.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance the quality of your writing.
grammatical range accuracy
Make sure to use proper punctuation and sentence structure to improve grammatical accuracy.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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