These days, people are living into their 90s and beyond. As a result, the is increasing concern about care for elederly. Do you think it is the responsibility of the family to care for their elderly member or government should be held responsible?
Technological advancements
has
made a great Change the verb form
have
influnce
Correct your spelling
influence
in
Change preposition
on
people
lives as Change noun form
people's
increase
the life Wrong verb form
increased
longetivity
of individuals. Some Correct your spelling
longevity
people
believe that family has the main rule of taking care
older
Change preposition
of older
people
, while
some people
think that the government
should protect them. However
,I firmly consider
that the family typically is the best solution Verb problem
believe
of
taking Change preposition
for
care
elderly
individuals. In the following, I will illustrate more why I think the family should Change preposition
of elderly
has
the primary rule.
One of the Change the verb form
have
cruical
factors that make Correct your spelling
crucial
critical
people
with older ages more happy and secure is when they touched
their Wrong verb form
touch
children
really appreciated
them and make more efforts to help them. Wrong verb form
appreciate
Hence
,make
them more delighted and satisfied. Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
However
, maybe elder people
feel isolated and insecure in takecare
Correct your spelling
take care
institutions
. For instance
, children
should thank their parents by take
Change the verb form
taking
caring
of them Replace the word
care
instead
of leaving them in such
these
Correct determiner usage
apply
institutions
. Furthermore
, members of family
know more about what they really need and how they should Add an article
the family
really
react Rephrase
apply
with
them. Change preposition
to
Hence
, they may do
not Unnecessary verb
apply
recieve
the full Correct your spelling
receive
care
and up to
standards Change preposition
apply
care
that really need in governmental Change preposition
of care
institutions
.
Regard to the role of the government
, it is primary should take care
of elder individuals who without
Add a missing verb
are without
children
. Hence
, in such
these
harsh situations the Correct determiner usage
apply
government
has the full responsbility
for helping them. The reason behind that there is no one from Correct your spelling
responsibility
loves
ones who can take Replace the word
loved
care
for
them Change preposition
of
hence
it is better for them to live in elderly people
Change noun form
people's
institutions
. Furthermore
the Add a comma
Furthermore,
government
has the full responsbility
for helping poor families that do not have the ability Correct your spelling
responsibility
of
take Replace the preposition
to
caring
the Replace the word
care
people
with old age. Hence
, the government
has the full responsbility
for supporting them with Correct your spelling
responsibility
required
needs for taking Correct article usage
the required
caring
them.
Wrong verb form
care of
To conclude
,family has the primary function for securing the
older Correct article usage
apply
people
because make
them more pleasant and emotionally Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
secured
, Replace the word
secure
However
,I believe government
should take Correct article usage
the government
care
of them when they do not have children
to help them or if they are from poor comunitities
.Correct your spelling
communities
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task achievement
Rephrase the introduction to clearly state your position on the topic and outline your supporting arguments.
coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas into separate paragraphs for better coherence and structure.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to improve your lexical resource.
grammatical range accuracy
Review the use of grammar and sentence structure throughout the essay.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example