These days, people are living into their 90s and beyond. As a result, the is increasing concern about care for elederly. Do you think it is the responsibility of the family to care for their elderly member or government should be held responsible?

Technological advancements
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
made a great
influnce
Correct your spelling
influence
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
lives as
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
the life
longetivity
Correct your spelling
longevity
of individuals. Some
people
believe that family has the main rule of taking
care
older
Change preposition
of older
show examples
people
,
while
some
people
think that the
government
should protect them.
However
,I firmly
consider
Verb problem
believe
show examples
that the family typically is the best solution
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
taking
care
elderly
Change preposition
of elderly
show examples
individuals. In the following, I will illustrate more why I think the family should
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
the primary rule. One of the
cruical
Correct your spelling
crucial
critical
factors that make
people
with older ages more happy and secure is when they
touched
Wrong verb form
touch
show examples
their
children
really
appreciated
Wrong verb form
appreciate
show examples
them and make more efforts to help them.
Hence
,
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
them more delighted and satisfied.
However
, maybe elder
people
feel isolated and insecure in
takecare
Correct your spelling
take care
institutions
.
For instance
,
children
should thank their parents by
take
Change the verb form
taking
show examples
caring
Replace the word
care
show examples
of them
instead
of leaving them in
such
these
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
institutions
.
Furthermore
, members of
family
Add an article
the family
show examples
know more about what they really need and how they should
really
Rephrase
apply
show examples
react
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
them.
Hence
, they may
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not
recieve
Correct your spelling
receive
the full
care
and
up to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
standards
care
Change preposition
of care
show examples
that really need in governmental
institutions
. Regard to the role of the
government
, it is primary should take
care
of elder individuals who
without
Add a missing verb
are without
show examples
children
.
Hence
, in
such
these
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
harsh situations the
government
has the full
responsbility
Correct your spelling
responsibility
for helping them. The reason behind that there is no one from
loves
Replace the word
loved
show examples
ones who can take
care
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
them
hence
it is better for them to live in elderly
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
institutions
.
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
show examples
the
government
has the full
responsbility
Correct your spelling
responsibility
for helping poor families that do not have the ability
of
Replace the preposition
to
show examples
take
caring
Replace the word
care
show examples
the
people
with old age.
Hence
, the
government
has the full
responsbility
Correct your spelling
responsibility
for supporting them with
required
Correct article usage
the required
show examples
needs for taking
caring
Wrong verb form
care of
show examples
them.
To conclude
,family has the primary function for securing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
older
people
because
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
them more pleasant and emotionally
secured
Replace the word
secure
show examples
,
However
,I believe
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
should take
care
of them when they do not have
children
to help them or if they are from poor
comunitities
Correct your spelling
communities
.
Submitted by fmalquran112 on

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task achievement
Rephrase the introduction to clearly state your position on the topic and outline your supporting arguments.
coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas into separate paragraphs for better coherence and structure.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to improve your lexical resource.
grammatical range accuracy
Review the use of grammar and sentence structure throughout the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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