IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The diagram belows shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.

The diagram belows shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.
#belows #process #sugar #cane
This
 diagram represents the manufacturing
process
 for making
sugar
 from
sugar
 cane.
Sugar
 is important for our daily use.
Overall
,the
sugar
 cane is cultivated and harvested it is converted into
sugar
 through various
process
Fix the agreement mistake
processes
show examples
. In detail, there are seven steps to convert
sugar
 cane to
sugar
. The growing period of
sugarcanes
Fix the agreement mistake
sugarcane
show examples
 is about 12 - 18 months periodically. Harvesting can be done by two methods
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
mannually
Correct your spelling
manually
 and by mechinal harvesting. Manual harvesting takes
long
Change the article
a long
show examples
 time to
compelete
Correct your spelling
complete
his
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
work
whereas
mechinal
Correct your spelling
mechanical
machinal
 harvesting takes less time to complete
his
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
work. After harvesting,
third
Change the article
the third
show examples
process
 is sugarcanes are crushed and
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
produce juice.The juice is been purified and
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
filtered
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is
fourth
Change the article
the fourth
show examples
 step involved. The sugarcane juice is heated and it
becames
Correct your spelling
becomes
became
 syrup. It is evaporated.
Next
Correct article usage
The next
show examples
 method is centrifuge
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 means
separates
Wrong verb form
separating
show examples
sugar
 crystals from
syrup
Add an article
the syrup
show examples
.
Last
Correct article usage
The last
show examples
process
 is drying and cooling here
sugar
 is ready. From
this
, sugarcane is manufactured within a period of
18months
Correct your spelling
18 months
 and
produce
Correct subject-verb agreement
produces
show examples
sugar
 for daily usage. There are
millions
Add the preposition
millions of
show examples
 tons of
sugar
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 produced from sugarcane. People consuming
sugar
 in large
quantity
Fix the agreement mistake
quantities
show examples
 will cause
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
health problems.
Submitted by insighttribez on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
▼
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 70%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words process, sugar with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: