IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The diagram belows shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.

The diagram belows shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.
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This
Linking Words
 diagram represents the manufacturing
process
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 for making
sugar
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 from
sugar
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 cane.
Sugar
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 is important for our daily use.
Overall
Linking Words
,the
sugar
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 cane is cultivated and harvested it is converted into
sugar
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 through various
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process
Fix the agreement mistake
processes
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. In detail, there are seven steps to convert
sugar
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 cane to
sugar
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. The growing period of
sugarcanes
Fix the agreement mistake
sugarcane
show examples
 is about 12 - 18 months periodically. Harvesting can be done by two methods
by
Change preposition
apply
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mannually
Correct your spelling
manually
 and by mechinal harvesting. Manual harvesting takes
long
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a long
show examples
 time to
compelete
Correct your spelling
complete
his
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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work
whereas
Linking Words
mechinal
Correct your spelling
mechanical
machinal
 harvesting takes less time to complete
his
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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work. After harvesting,
third
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the third
show examples
process
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 is sugarcanes are crushed and
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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produce juice.The juice is been purified and
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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filtered
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 is
fourth
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the fourth
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 step involved. The sugarcane juice is heated and it
becames
Correct your spelling
becomes
became
 syrup. It is evaporated.
Next
Correct article usage
The next
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 method is centrifuge
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 means
separates
Wrong verb form
separating
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sugar
Use synonyms
 crystals from
syrup
Add an article
the syrup
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.
Linking Words
Last
Correct article usage
The last
show examples
process
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 is drying and cooling here
sugar
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 is ready. From
this
Linking Words
, sugarcane is manufactured within a period of
18months
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18 months
 and
produce
Correct subject-verb agreement
produces
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sugar
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 for daily usage. There are
millions
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millions of
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 tons of
sugar
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 produced from sugarcane. People consuming
sugar
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 in large
quantity
Fix the agreement mistake
quantities
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 will cause
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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health problems.

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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 70%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words process, sugar with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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