IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Governments should spend more money on education than on recreation and sports. Do you agree or disagree?

#governments #money #education #recreation #sports
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is often argued that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
governments should allocate more funds
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 than
leisure
Use synonyms
 and
sports
Use synonyms
activities
Use synonyms
. I completely disagree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion and think that funds allocated
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 recreation and
sports
Use synonyms
activities
Use synonyms
 are more important than
education
Use synonyms
. First of all, I believe that soft
skills
Use synonyms
 could be developed through
leisure
Use synonyms
 and
sports
Use synonyms
activities
Use synonyms
. Soft
skills
Use synonyms
 are the key factors in
education
Use synonyms
 that cannot be taught by a lesson. The only way to develop soft
skills
Use synonyms
 is by providing the opportunity to deal with
leisure
Use synonyms
 and
sports
Use synonyms
activities
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, students who actively do
sports
Use synonyms
 were relatively good in their studies compared to others
according to
Linking Words
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 surveys performed in the United States. That’s why it is more important to invest more money
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 recreation and
sports
Use synonyms
activities
Use synonyms
 than
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
education
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
country
Add an article
the country
a country
show examples
 needs an educated workforce with
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
good health.
Otherwise
Linking Words
, the government will have to spend more money on health services rather than investing it
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 or
leisure
Use synonyms
activities
Use synonyms
. Health professionals suggest that these
activities
Use synonyms
 are the main factors which help
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people to be healthy.
For instance
Linking Words
, some researchers illustrated that the countries
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 spent more on
education
Use synonyms
 failed to
surview
Correct your spelling
survive
 in the economic competition
due to
Linking Words
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 workforce.
Thus
Linking Words
, the investment
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
leisure
Use synonyms
activities
Use synonyms
 overweight
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I strongly believe that the government should spend more funds on recreation and
leisure
Use synonyms
activities
Use synonyms
 than
education
Use synonyms
. Because those
activities
Use synonyms
 could help the people to develop their soft
skills
Use synonyms
 and to be a healthy person.
Submitted by kavindagehan17 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas in a logical manner.
lexical resource
Improve your range of vocabulary.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to grammar and sentence structure.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • fundamental
  • workforce
  • fosters
  • innovation
  • inequality
  • circumstances
  • outcomes
  • hygiene
  • private sector
  • initiatives
  • engaged
  • stability
  • cohesion
  • national pride
  • economic development
  • societal progress
What to do next:
Look at other essays: