IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugars which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #level #sugars #health #people #sugar
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Nowadays many factories which
apply
Verb problem
produce
show examples
 food and
beverages
Fix the agreement mistake
beverage
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 manufacture include numerous
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of
sugar
Use synonyms
 in
the
Change the word
their
show examples
products
Use synonyms
. It leads to spreading health problems among the customers. Prices on
this
Linking Words
 category of
products
Use synonyms
 should be raised to make a downward
trend
Use synonyms
 of popularity
Use synonyms
sugar
Change preposition
of sugar
show examples
products
Use synonyms
 to society. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement.
Firstly
Linking Words
, many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people all around the world consume
products
Use synonyms
 with a lot of
sugar
Use synonyms
, but most of them realise a negative impact when they’ve already gotten diseases. Many of them spend a lot of time and money on treatments which support their previous health
quality
Correct word choice
and quality
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 of life. It’s
also
Linking Words
 important to
be mentioned
Wrong verb form
mention
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 that there are many illnesses which can’t be treated at all and numerous
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people should use supportive therapy during all their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. In
this
Linking Words
 case, increasing
a
Correct article usage
the
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 price politic will help them to avoid
Linking Words
this problems
Change the determiner
this problem
these problems
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,
being
Wrong verb form
be
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 healthy and invest money in other useful directions.
Secondly
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, if the companies will go up the prices of the
products
Use synonyms
 which include
sugar
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 in significant
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
, the selling
trend
Use synonyms
 will decrease. Mostly, consumers highlighted the price of the product
whilen
Correct your spelling
while
when
 they decided to buy it. If the product with a cheaper price
before
Change preposition
apply
show examples
increases, the widest part of the audience will decide to stop buying
this
Linking Words
 item.
Consequently
Linking Words
, it will generally lead to a downward
trend
Use synonyms
 of consumption of
sugar
Use synonyms
 among the group of people. In conclusion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
companies should increase the prices of their
products
Use synonyms
 with a considerable amount of
sugar
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 action will spread a downward
trend
Use synonyms
 in selling product that includes
sugar
Use synonyms
, reduce the numerous of disease and consume less
sugar
Use synonyms
 in general.
Submitted by fedorusa2016 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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