IELTS Writing Correction Service /
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Band 5.5

In the modern world, people no longer need to use food or products from animals, such as medicine and clothing. Do you agree or disagree?

#world #people #food #products #animals #medicine
Some people believe that nowadays it is not necessary to use food or other
products
 from
animals
,
such
 as clothing and
medicine
. I do not agree with
this
 statement because there are a lot of nutrients from
animals
 that are indispensable for human health,
as well as
 some medicaments that are extremely useful for a range of
medicine
Replace the word
medical
show examples
 treatments. Actually, I think that humanity must reduce the consumption of meals from
animals
, but not cut it down. There are several nutrients that
came
Wrong verb form
come
show examples
 from
animals
,
such
 as proteins, carbohydrates, and fats, that are quite difficult to find substitutes in vegetal species.
In addition
, there are some drugs used in
medicine
 that are unique and could save many lives around the world.
For instance
, some drugs for knee and osteoporosis can only be obtained from
animals’
Change noun form
animals
show examples
 sources,
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
show examples
 some vitamins like B12. Examples of food are honey, milk, and its
products
. Concerning clothing, I understand that it is totally possible to change for other materials that are not from
animals
, plants, or chemical
products
. The main point of
this
 discussion is the process by which these
products
 are obtained, most of them through bad conditions during the lives of these
animals
, and mainly with suffering and pain at the moment to kill them. Some
products
 from
animals
, like milk, honey, and eggs, could be obtained from
animals
while
 keeping them alive and without suffering.
Overall
, I believe it is not necessary to be so radical and avoid every food and
medicine
 product that comes from
animals
. It is perfectly possible to use alternative sources of clothing that are not from
animals
.
To sum up
, I believe that a balanced diet containing fruits, vegetables, and
animals’
Change noun form
animals
show examples
 meat,
such
 as lamb, pork, cow, chicken, and fish, could be healthier than a restriction of
food’s
Change noun form
food
show examples
animals
.
Submitted by fmulato on

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task achievement
Provide a clear thesis statement in your introduction to state your position on the topic.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Develop your ideas with more explanation and analysis.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary and avoid repetition.
grammatical range accuracy
Use a variety of sentence structures and make sure to use appropriate grammar.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sustainable
  • ethical alternatives
  • global demand
  • genetic engineering
  • synthetic biology
  • plant-based diets
  • environmental footprint
  • veganism
  • biotechnology
  • cultural sensitivity
  • economic viability
  • lab-grown meat
  • synthetic materials
  • global infrastructure
  • consumer habits
What to do next:
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