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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The charts below show the results of a survey about what people of different age groups say makes them most happy. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the results of a survey about what people of different age groups say makes them most happy. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #results #survey #people #age #groups #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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These charts provide
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information regarding the
portion
Use synonyms
 about what makes
people
Use synonyms
 most happy in different age
Use synonyms
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the factors consisting of two charts account for
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
show examples
portion
Use synonyms
although
Linking Words
 there are different sections.
However
Linking Words
, in
case
Correct article usage
the case
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 of achievement at work and doing hobbies barely have
differnces
Correct your spelling
differences
difference
 between
people
Use synonyms
 under 30 and
people
Use synonyms
 over 30, and
Use synonyms
group
Correct article usage
the group
show examples
 over 30 has slightly more
portion
Use synonyms
 of the mentioned parts between 1% and 2%. In detail, approximately 15% of each
group
Use synonyms
 tends to have varied factors that make them happy. Under 30
group
Use synonyms
 prefers to travel and the other would like to be with their family.
Next
Correct article usage
The next
show examples
portion
Use synonyms
Change preposition
of that
show examples
that
Change preposition
of that
show examples
 gas similar figure is around 20%, having a good appearance for
Correct pronoun usage
those under
show examples
under
Correct pronoun usage
those under
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 30 and
finacial
Correct your spelling
financial
 security for
Correct pronoun usage
those over
show examples
over
Correct pronoun usage
those over
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 30.
However
Linking Words
, when it comes to other factors,
under
Correct article usage
the under
show examples
 30
group
Use synonyms
 has 4% more
portion
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, which is 14%, than
people
Use synonyms
 over 30.
Submitted by kylarara on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words portion, people, group with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • survey
  • age groups
  • responses
  • happiness factors
  • participants
  • contribute
  • compare
  • patterns
  • differences
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