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Band 6.5

The chart below gives information on the percentage of British people giving money to charity by age range for the years 1990 and 2010.

The chart below gives information on the percentage of British people giving money to charity by age range for the years 1990 and 2010.
#information #percentage #british #people #money #charity #age #range #years
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The
given
Verb problem
apply
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bar chart demonstrates how the donations among different
aged
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
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people
Use synonyms
 changed in Britain in 2010 compared to 1990.
Overall
Linking Words
, there was a decreasing trend in giving money to
charity
Use synonyms
 in Britain for
population
Add an article
the population
a population
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who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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aged from 18 to 50,
while
Linking Words
 individuals over 50 illustrated
gradual
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a gradual
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 increase in two decades. The most striking feature of the chart is about 42% of
people
Use synonyms
 aged 36-50 made the
most
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apply
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largest
charity
Use synonyms
 among
British
Correct article usage
the British
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 population in 1990.
However
Linking Words
, after twenty years
this
Linking Words
 figure lost
dominating
Correct pronoun usage
its dominating
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 position, and
its
Change the pronoun
it
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 showed a decrease of around 7%. At the same time, the lowest percentage did young individuals,
dropping
Wrong verb form
dropped
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 from about 17% to 6%.
In addition
Linking Words
, adults from 26-30
also
Linking Words
 reduced giving money to
charity
Use synonyms
 throughout two decades.
Finally
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 trend was converse for
people
Use synonyms
 aged over 50. Namely, approximately 38% of
people
Use synonyms
 aged 50-65 started to give money to
charity
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
population
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the population
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 over 65 increased
donation
Fix the agreement mistake
donations
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 from around 32% to 35%
Submitted by Abdu.abetayev on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, charity with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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