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Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays, more people move away from their friends and families for work. Does this development have more advantages or disadvantages?

#people #move #friends #families #work #development
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Finding an appointment is a significant part of any adult's life. These days some good job opportunities may be in far away cities or even overseas far away from family and friends.In my opinion, leaving a homeland for a good work situation helps individuals to grow.
Initially
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, sometimes it is hard for people to find an operation
that is
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 related to their own profession. On the one hand, working in a good company with a high income is very significant for career prospects.
On the other hand
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, it is hard for some people to leave their relatives and it is upsetting for them too.Some people prefer to stay in their hometown with lower wages or nonprofessional jobs,
however
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, they may regret
this
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 decision because of the lack of job satisfaction or money.
Otherwise
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, working away from family requires living alone and it provides independence, personally and financially, most notably living in a city where there are more job opportunities in related fields, helps individuals to extend their connections and prosper. In conclusion, family and friends play a critical role in anyone's life, but when the day comes they should handle leaving them behind and starting their journey by themselves. Independence is one of the most essential things for men and women,
for
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this
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 reason, I think the benefits of
this
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 separation outweigh the downsides.
Submitted by Farzaneh Ka on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic well, and your viewpoint is clear. To improve, try to develop your ideas further and provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
While your essay has a logical structure and is mostly easy to follow, aim to create smoother transitions between paragraphs and ensure that each paragraph has one clear main idea.
task achievement
Try to elaborate more on your main points with relevant examples and experiences. This will make your arguments more compelling and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clearly stated, which frames your essay well.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced discussion, acknowledging both the advantages and disadvantages of moving away for work.
task achievement
You show a good understanding of the topic and maintain a clear position throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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