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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the alcohol-related deaths in 7 different countries and the average beer consumption in 2005. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting description of the correlation of the table that follow.

The graph below shows the alcohol-related deaths in 7 different countries and the average beer consumption in 2005. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting description of the correlation of the table that follow.
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The graph provides information on the death rate related to alcohol around the world in seven different countries in 2005
as well as
Linking Words
 the average consumption of beer in 2002.
Overall
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, it is evident that the highest amount of
deaths
Use synonyms
 was registered in the
Czech
Use synonyms
Republic
Use synonyms
together with
Linking Words
 the highest consumption of beer.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, alcohol-related
deaths
Use synonyms
 were more popular among men than women in all of the countries. On top of the ranking are the number of
deaths
Use synonyms
 in the
Czech
Use synonyms
Republic
Use synonyms
, which were significantly higher than for other countries
as well as
Linking Words
 the amount of litres consumed per capita indicated to be the highest.
In addition
Linking Words
, the highest amount of
deaths
Use synonyms
 among women were registered there.
Conversely
Linking Words
, among men, the highest rate was seen in Germany, which was the second highest in terms of
deaths
Use synonyms
 with more than a million. In Austria, numbers were lower,
however
Linking Words
, the consumption of beer was indicated to be above 100 litres similar to Germany, the
Czech
Use synonyms
Republic
Use synonyms
 and Ireland.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
deaths
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 in Ireland were only half of those in the
Czech
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Republic
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. In terms of the lowest rating, it was registered in Lithuania with just above 100
thousand
Correct your spelling
100,000
deaths
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, respectively, following the 382 thousand
deaths
Use synonyms
 in Estonia.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "as well as".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 80%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words deaths, czech, republic with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "indicated" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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