The charts below show the results of a survey about what people of different age groups say makes them most happy. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the results of a survey about what people of different age groups say makes them most happy.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The charts display data from a survey about what makes
people
feel happiest. It is split into two graphs where each of the graphs displays two different
age
groups,
people
above 30 and
people
under 30.
Overall
, for both
age
groups accomplishment at work makes them feel happiest. Meanwhile, the other
factors
both bring
people
the least enjoyment. The
last
3
factors
that make up the pie chart are different for both groups.
To begin
with the under-30
group
Rephrase
apply
show examples
first,
31% of the participants chose that success in their work-life brings them the most fulfilment.
This
is
then
followed by chasing their hobbies and having good looks, which clocks in at 22% and 18% of
people
surveyed respectively. The second to
last
factor is travelling, with 15% of participants opting for
this
option. The other
factors
then
came in
last
at 14% only. Moving on to the over 30
group
, where it seems
this
age
group
values their work more there is a 1% difference in the percentage of
people
that chose work achievement, bringing it up to 32%.
Then
it's indulging in their personal interests.
This
option experienced a 2% increase in the number of
people
that chose it compared to the other
age
group
, sitting at 24%.
Following
this
is financial security at 20%, spending time with their families at 14% and
finally
other
factors
at 10%.
Submitted by yeshomeclass on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, age, factors, group with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "graphs" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "display" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • survey
  • age groups
  • responses
  • happiness factors
  • participants
  • contribute
  • compare
  • patterns
  • differences
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