The charts below show the results of a survey about what people of different age groups say makes them most happy. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The charts display data from a survey about what makes
people
feel happiest. It is split into two graphs where each of the graphs displays two different age
groups, people
above 30 and people
under 30.
Overall
, for both age
groups accomplishment at work makes them feel happiest. Meanwhile, the other factors
both bring people
the least enjoyment. The last
3 factors
that make up the pie chart are different for both groups.
To begin
with the under-30 group
Rephrase
apply
first,
31% of the participants chose that success in their work-life brings them the most fulfilment. This
is then
followed by chasing their hobbies and having good looks, which clocks in at 22% and 18% of people
surveyed respectively. The second to last
factor is travelling, with 15% of participants opting for this
option. The other factors
then
came in last
at 14% only.
Moving on to the over 30 group
, where it seems this
age
group
values their work more there is a 1% difference in the percentage of people
that chose work achievement, bringing it up to 32%. Then
it's indulging in their personal interests. This
option experienced a 2% increase in the number of people
that chose it compared to the other age
group
, sitting at 24%. Following
this
is financial security at 20%, spending time with their families at 14% and finally
other factors
at 10%.Submitted by yeshomeclass on
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, age, factors, group with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "graphs" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "display" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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