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Band 2.5

People who go to live in other countries, should follow the customs and traditions of the new country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #countries #customs #traditions #country
society move to another
provincial
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province
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 by following for different purposes in life.
And there
Correct word choice
There
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 is an opinion that the culture of a new agrarian should be followed by all individuals who want to live in that place. I agree with
this
 statement because it shows respect to the
nation
 and helps to familiarize with the surroundings. Respecting the customs is the same as respecting the bucolic. In a new place, you are the one who decides what to do,
therefore
 by following customs and
ethic
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ethics
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,
community
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the community
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 around can see your attitude toward them and toward their
nation
 as well.
For example
, easter is celebrated in the USA and
following
this
 custom can increase the positive attitude of society
due to
 sincere respect for
ethic
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ethics
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.
Furthermore
, performing national culture provides fast adaptiveness to the new place. As all
practice
Fix the agreement mistake
practices
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 are the heritage of hundreds of countries, following them could maintain the understanding of the history, mentality and values of a
provincial
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province
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. The eastern tradition Nauryz is a great example of a custom that reflects the
nation
's values and
nation
 which can help to familiarize with a new society and environment.
To conclude
, it is highly recommended to
community
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the community
a community
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 who moved for a long term life to perform the other rustic's ethic,
due to
 being respected and to be familiarized with the new environment
Submitted by zhadyra.serikbayeva2016 on

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task achievement
Provide a clearer and more specific thesis statement in your introduction.
task achievement
Include more supporting details and evidence to strengthen your main points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure logical progression of ideas and develop them more fully.
coherence cohesion
Include a summary of your main points in the conclusion.
lexical resource
Use more varied vocabulary and expressions.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar errors.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural assimilation
  • integration
  • traditions
  • customs
  • identity
  • diversity
  • tolerance
  • heritage
  • intercultural
  • enrichment
  • alienate
  • segregate
  • dialogue
  • uniformity
  • assimilate
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