IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

some people that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime

#people #crime #prison #sentences #alternative
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People have different views about
crime
Use synonyms
, which is
Correct article usage
a serious
show examples
serious
Correct article usage
a serious
show examples
 problem around the world,
this
Linking Words
 problem will be tackled via
Correct article usage
a longer
show examples
longer
Correct article usage
a longer
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
show examples
period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
show examples
 of
prison
Use synonyms
, others strongly believe that there are better options to dwindle
crime
Use synonyms
. There are strong views on both sides, which I will discuss now. Arguably, there could be reasons why longer
prison
Use synonyms
 is
benefit
Replace the word
beneficial
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.
Initially
Linking Words
, spending a long time leads to
provide
Wrong verb form
providing
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opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
 for the
prison
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 service to rehabilitate a prisoner. For instance,
someone
Correct word choice
if someone
show examples
, who committed
Use synonyms
crime
Add an article
a crime
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as assault
as a result
Linking Words
 he or she was caught by
police
Correct article usage
the police
show examples
then
Linking Words
longer
Correct article usage
a longer
show examples
prison
Use synonyms
was
Verb problem
time is
show examples
 given to him or her in order to be sure they can be re-educated not to re-offend.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, if
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 legislates
low
Correct your spelling
law
show examples
 in
regards
Fix the agreement mistake
regard
show examples
 to long
period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
show examples
 of
prison
Use synonyms
as a result
Linking Words
 more and more offenders have
sense
Add an article
a sense
show examples
 of scare
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
prison
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
First
world
Capitalize word
World
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 countries,
crime
Use synonyms
 of life is steadily
decline
Wrong verb form
declining
show examples
 day by day
due to
Linking Words
 longer
prison
Use synonyms
. Foremost among other challenges appear to be more issues of the world condition. There are numerous penalties for criminals
such
Linking Words
 as
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
 or
prison
Use synonyms
Change preposition
apply
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
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home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
, by which I mean that all
Fix the agreement mistake
notions
show examples
notion
Fix the agreement mistake
notions
show examples
 can establish some kind of fines if people commit
Use synonyms
crime
Add an article
a crime
the crime
show examples
.
Consequently
Linking Words
, gangsters are scared
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
crime
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 is because they
have
Add a missing verb
do have
show examples
 not money for pay to
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
. It is true that
seldom
Rephrase
apply
show examples
criminals
do not
Verb problem
apply
show examples
fear
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 kind of penalty
therefore
Linking Words
 all states ought to create extraordinary punishment like perhaps
kill
Wrong verb form
killing
show examples
, which
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
depends on
sort
Correct article usage
the sort
show examples
 of
crime
Use synonyms
. Having punishment of death in some countries, nobody committee
crime
Use synonyms
 in order to peace of
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
, In a nutshell, I strongly feel that all countries should impose
tax
Add an article
a tax
show examples
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
crime
Use synonyms
 because it can be more beneficial to our life.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 sometimes longer
prison
Use synonyms
 is given at the expense of heavy
crime
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by @ur_davrik on

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction and provide a clear thesis statement.
task achievement
Provide more comprehensive ideas and develop them further with supporting details and examples.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay in a clear and logical manner, with a proper introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
Add more specific examples and evidence to support your points.
grammatical range accuracy
Be careful with grammar and sentence structure.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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