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Band 3

people nowadays work hard to buy more things. This has made our life generally more comfortable but it is a pity many traditional values have been lost on the way to such materialism. to what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #work #life #pity #values #materialism
In our
midern
Correct your spelling
modern
society
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society,
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people
 are strongly focused
in
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on
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 their jobs to get
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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expensive or interesting things for
them
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
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. It may
seems
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seem
show examples
 to be that because of
this
 materialism community will
lost
Change the verb form
lose
be lost
show examples
 their traditional values but it will be better to live. I agree that
people
 may forget the principles and
also
 agree that it will be
more easy
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easier
show examples
 to live, so in
Add an article
an essay
the essay
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essay
Add a comma
essay,
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i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will provide arguments to show why
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 agree.
Firstly
,
i
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I
show examples
 want to say that it is really not hard to
lost
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lose
show examples
 yourself in pursuit
to
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of
show examples
money
. There
a
Add a missing verb
are a
show examples
lot of examples when
person
Add an article
the person
a person
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that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 was a very happy and
a
Correct article usage
apply
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kind person but
due to
money
 lost
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
humanity.
Moreover
, there may be
people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 will kill
hurt
Correct word choice
or hurt
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 someone for just
a green papers
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green papers
a green paper
show examples
.
This
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
 from
obsess
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obsession
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 to
money
.
However
, there are special
type
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types
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 of
people
 that want to
proof
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prove
show examples
 that they are better. As we can see now, there are families that suffer from poorness and it is
such
 a huge problem nowadays. Despite the fact that
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 mentioned
about
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apply
show examples
the dark side of
money
, of
course
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course,
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 cash
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
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 you
live
Replace the word
life
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 in abundance.
In other words
, you need to work hard to receive enough
money
 for
yourself's
Unnecessary verb
yourself
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 or your
families
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family's
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 comfortable life
To conclude
, it is nice to work hard and be rich but you should not
to lost
Verb problem
lose
show examples
 your humanity in
way
Add an article
a way
the way
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 to receive
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
money
. Namely, everybody
responsible
Add a missing verb
is responsible
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their behaviour and work.
Submitted by aikumarbekarys on

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task response
Your essay should clearly state your position on the given statement and provide clear arguments to support your stance. Ensure that you address both sides of the issue and include relevant examples to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
You need to work on structuring your essay in a more organized and logical manner. Use clear topic sentences for each paragraph and ensure that your ideas flow cohesively from one to the next.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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