IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that having sport in schools is a waste of time and resources, whilst other people believe that sport in school is a vital part of education. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

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One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is doing
sport
Use synonyms
 in schools is a loss of time and energy whilst other individuals deem that
sport
Use synonyms
 in schools is an integral fraction of learning.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both these points of view and argue in favour of the latter. A commonly held belief is that
having
Verb problem
doing
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sport
Use synonyms
 is
meaningless
Correct article usage
a meaningless
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 activity, just a
wasting
Replace the word
waste of
show examples
 time and
sources
Correct your spelling
resources
show examples
. As evidence of
Linking Words
this
Add a comma
this,
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 they point to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of concentration on the other lessons which they have during
the
Correct article usage
apply
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school time.
Moreover
Linking Words
, scientific journals, about healthcare, mention that teenagers have more power and energy and they have no idea where should spend them. It could be explained by the fact that stereotypes from media like who do
sport
Use synonyms
 at school
is
Verb problem
do
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 not with good academic performance.
As a result
Linking Words
, it leads to negative views about having
sport
Use synonyms
 in certain ages.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some people claim that
sport
Use synonyms
 and physical exercises are an essential part of education.
For example
Linking Words
, they may mention that physical power is
important
Add an article
an important
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 advantage for humankind.
In addition
Linking Words
, during the lessons, most students become more absent-minded and prefer to nap. The explanation lies in the fact that, by having any kind of
sport
Use synonyms
, the mood of
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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 turns into freshness.
Therefore
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,
sport
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 considered
as
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
 vital part of school with many conditions. In my opinion, having
sport
Use synonyms
 in schools has huge effects
for
Change preposition
on
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 developing
versatile
Replace the word
versatility
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although
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 there are many pretensions.
Thus
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, courses like physical education
has
Change the verb form
have
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 long years histories in
curriculum
Add an article
the curriculum
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. In conclusion, taking everything mentioned into account I would agree that
sport
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 influences physical and intellectual growth.

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task achievement
Provide more relevant and specific examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Work on using a wider range of linking words and cohesive devices to improve the flow of your ideas.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary and try to avoid repetition of words and phrases.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar, as there are some errors in the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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