IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think that poverty is the reason behind most crimes. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #poverty #reason #crimes
While
 some
people
 believe that poverty and
crime
 have
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
 relation with each other, committing
crime
Add an article
a crime
the crime
show examples
 is
perplex
Correct word choice
a perplexing
show examples
 situation and cannot
describe
Wrong verb form
be described
show examples
 with
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
one word or reason. In
this
 essay, I will delve into the given idea and try to give my perspective. I do not support
this
 notion, considering the compelling reasons behind
this
 act. Crimes can
divide
Wrong verb form
be divided
show examples
 into various types and all types should not be considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in the same perspective. Individuals usually advocate that if someone is
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
financial
Change the adjective
financially
show examples
 bankrupt, they can be ready to commit a
crime
 compared to
rest
Correct article usage
the rest
show examples
 of us. Perhaps, stealing food or
small
Correct article usage
a small
show examples
 amount
money
Change preposition
of money
show examples
 might be more possible among
people
 who have been suffering from food deficiencies or
financially
Add a missing verb
are financially
show examples
 broken.
Nonetheless
, more serious crimes are committed by wealthy
people
. When it comes to other types of
crime
, they will give some clues
there
Correct word choice
that there
show examples
 is no positive correlation
with
Change preposition
between
show examples
 poverty and
crime
. To illustrate, covering real income in order to pay less taxes
one
Add a missing verb
is one
show examples
 of the main stealing methods for the huge companies to increase their profits.
Those
Correct determiner usage
This
show examples
crime
 type which is called white-collar fraud might have
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 serious impact on society.
Therefore
,
people
 have been
affecting
Wrong verb form
affected
show examples
on
Change preposition
by
show examples
circumstances
Correct article usage
the circumstances
show examples
 where they grew up, psychology
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
also
play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
show examples
key
Add an article
a key
show examples
 role when someone wants to
committing
Change the verb form
commit
show examples
crime
Add an article
a crime
the crime
show examples
.
To conclude
, in some cases, a correlation might be conducted
with
Change preposition
between
show examples
 financial situation and
crime
 rates.
However
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
crimes have been
committing
Wrong verb form
committed
show examples
due to
 various reasons. Psychological conditions,
upbringing
Correct word choice
and upbringing
show examples
 area may play crucial roles in determining whether a person turns to
crime
.
Submitted by hburakdisli on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure the essay has a clear logical structure. Connect paragraphs with cohesive devices and transitions.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present, however, ensure they are more impactful and clearly summarize the central argument of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Provide more in-depth support for your main points with detailed examples and explanations.
task achievement
Be sure to completely address the prompt and discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the given statement.
task achievement
Develop your ideas comprehensively, ensuring that your essay provides a clear and well-supported argument.
task achievement
Include more relevant and specific examples to support your argument, which can help illustrate your point more effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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