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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line chart shows average attendance at the cinema among various age groups in the Great Britain from 1984 to 2000.

The line chart shows average attendance at the cinema among various age groups in the Great Britain from 1984 to 2000.
#line #attendance #cinema #age #groups #britain
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The line graph depicts the average
visiting
Replace the word
visit
show examples
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
Use synonyms
cinema
Correct article usage
the cinema
show examples
 by people of four age categories in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
great
britain
Change the capitalization
Britain
show examples
 from 1984 to 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
, the proportion of people visiting
Use synonyms
cinema
Correct article usage
the cinema
show examples
 rose over the course of time. The individuals aged 15-24 visited movie
theatre
Fix the agreement mistake
theatres
show examples
 the most
whereas
Linking Words
 the persons who are more than 35 years
counted
Correct word choice
old counted
show examples
 for the least. Around 17 per
cent
Use synonyms
 of the individuals between the age of 15-24 went to watch movies in 1984,
this
Linking Words
 value altered over the course of the timeline
finally
Linking Words
 clocking up to a little near 55 per
cent
Use synonyms
 towards the end of the timeline. Approximately 10 and 5 per
cent
Use synonyms
 of the people
aging
Replace the word
aged
show examples
 7-14 and 25-35, respectively, went to attend
cinema
Use synonyms
 during the beginning of the timeline.
This
Linking Words
 proportion fluctuated over the course of time and ended up being almost 31 per
cent
Use synonyms
 for both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
age groups. In 1984, none of the population who
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
aged 35 or more opted
watching
Change the verb form
to watch
show examples
Use synonyms
cinema
Correct article usage
the cinema
show examples
,
this
Linking Words
 value rose
almost
Change preposition
to almost
show examples
 around 15 per
cent
Use synonyms
 by 2000.
Submitted by mrigankingley2099 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words cinema, cent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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