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Band 5

This days,children have easy access to home computers,tablets, and smartphones and mane spend a large part of free time using these devices. Discuss the disadvantages and advantages of this situation and give your opinion.

#children #access #home #computers #tablets #smartphones #mane #part #time #devices #situation
The
technology
surrounded
Wrong verb form
surrounding
show examples
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children
 in
this
 day and era has
own
Correct pronoun usage
its own
show examples
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
,
while
 it is beneficial,
this
also
 comes with disadvantages.
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that having
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
easy
acess
Correct your spelling
access
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
electronic
devices
 could lead to
negative
Add an article
the negative
show examples
sign
Fix the agreement mistake
signs
show examples
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
children
's growth if not
supervise
Change the form of the verb
supervised
show examples
 by parents.
It is clear that
 with the growth of
technology
, the younger generation
also
grow
Change the verb form
grows
show examples
 with it.
technology
 and electronic
devices
 are now used daily for both educational and entertainment purposes for
children
 from an early age, by being familiar with
technology
,
children
 can develop
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
further
 cognitive growth from a young age.
This
 can lead to
a smart students
Correct the article-noun agreement
smart students
a smart student
show examples
.
However
, having
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
easy access to these
devices
 could
also
comes
Change the verb form
come
show examples
 with its disadvantages if not
supervise
Wrong verb form
supervised
show examples
 by parent and teacher,
for example
, the majority of
indonesia's
Change the capitalization
Indonesia's
show examples
 primary school system now
use
Change the verb form
uses
show examples
 a curriculum where it is mandatory to
use
 tablets for their main educating system, they
use
 google drive and google form. These
system
Change the determiner
systems
show examples
are
Change the verb form
are used
show examples
use
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 school on
daily
Correct article usage
a daily
show examples
 basis, which means an average
8
Change preposition
of 8
show examples
hours of
exposed
Replace the word
exposure
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
screen time
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 these
devices
. That amount of time multiplied into 12 years of
compulsary
Correct your spelling
compulsory
 education can affect
children
's eyesight and
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
motoric behavior. Not to say
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
how much amount of
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 they
are expose
Change the verb form
are exposed
show examples
 to if the screen time is not limited per day for the
children
.
to sum up
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 disagree with giving
children
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
easy access
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 tablets, home
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
, and smartphone
devices
. In
this
 case, adults
plays
Change the verb form
play
show examples
 a crucial role in determining the
children
's
use
 of
technology
 to prevent detrimental effects on the
young
Correct word choice
younger
show examples
 generations.
Submitted by nabilarasya35 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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