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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Anyone can use a mobile phone to answer/make work calls or home calls at any place 7 days a week. Do you think this development has more positive effects or negative effects on the individual and society?

In
this
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 day and age, with the development of
smart
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smartphones
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phones
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 to make
human's
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human
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 life more convenient and easier, there are
also
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have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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some drawbacks. From my personal perspective,
i
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I
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belive
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believe
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 that the disadvantages are insufficient to outweigh the advantages, and
this
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 essay shall elaborate on the rationale. On the one hand, excessive use of mobile
phones
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 can affect
human's
Change noun form
human
show examples
 health.
For example
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, a large number of teenagers are addicted to surfing social networking sites,
such
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 as Facebook, TikTok, and Instagram on their smartphones. Because of the fact that the contents of these apps are designed
catch
Add the particle
to catch
show examples
human
Add an article
the human
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 eye and
addictive
Add a missing verb
are addictive
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, so young
people
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 tend to stare at the small digital screen
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
along
Correct your spelling
a long
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period
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periods
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.
Consequently
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,
this
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 could have a bad effect on
human's
Change noun form
human
show examples
 eyesight and
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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sleep quality, which worsen work and study performance. Another disadvantage is that the trend of using smart devices is reducing the relationships among
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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. For the reason that it is convenient for
people
Use synonyms
 to text
message
Fix the agreement mistake
messages
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 and send
email
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emails
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instead
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 of going outside and having face-to-face interactions with other
people
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.
As a result
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, the lack of important social skills,
such
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 as communication and teamwork skills
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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 it difficult for them to land a job and expand social relationships.
Therefore
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 the quality of
potential
Correct article usage
the potential
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 workforce of a nation could
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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decrease.
On the other hand
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, using a mobile phone can enable
people
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 to keep in touch with others in
a
Correct article usage
an
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 more easier and convenient way.
For example
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, during
Covid-19
Correct article usage
the Covid-19
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 pandemic, citizens were not allowed to leave their
home
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homes
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, but they were still able to communicate with relatives and friends.
As a result
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,
this
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 has eased
people
Use synonyms
's loneliness and depression.
In addition
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, personal mobile
phones
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has
Change the verb form
have
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 become life-saving equipment for unexpected emergency situations. When there is a horrific traffic accident,
people
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 can immediately make a phone call to the police, rescue team and ambulance which can increase the survival chance for victims.
Consequently
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, the development of mobile devices
contribute
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contributes
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 to improving
safety
Correct article usage
the safety
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 and convenience of society. In conclusion,
while
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 there are some disadvantages of mobile
phones
Use synonyms
could
Correct pronoun usage
that could
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 affect human life,
but
Correct word choice
apply
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we cannot ignore the positive aspect of
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this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 device to
human kind
Correct your spelling
humankind
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. The advantages of
enable
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enabling
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people
Use synonyms
 to keep in touch with others more
easier
Replace the word
easily
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 and convenient
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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seem to outweigh the
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
show examples
.

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