IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 1

Some people think that having a set retirement age for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Do you agree or disagree Which types of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement. Give reasons fir your answer and provide relevant examples

#people #retirement #age #everybody #occupation #workers #pension #benefit #fir
Retirment
Correct your spelling
Retirement
 is meaning of ending the job, like teaching, working
at
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
medial
Correct your spelling
medical
show examples
 field or company.
At the end
 of any
work
Add a comma
work,
show examples
 everybody
get
Change the verb form
gets
show examples
 extra
benifts
Correct your spelling
benefits
. I think
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it is fair for all
retirment
Correct your spelling
retired
Person
Fix the agreement mistake
Persons
show examples
 should get a ward at an earlier age. In the
began
Replace the word
beginning
show examples
 we have to say that all
Correct article usage
the staffs
show examples
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
 leave their families to gain money and most of them work hard with honesty. There are many Jobs that suffer from
dangerous
Replace the word
danger
show examples
for example
,
Add an article
an employee
the employee
show examples
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 who
work
Change the verb form
works
show examples
 at
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
heavey
Correct your spelling
heavy
industerial
Correct your spelling
industrial
manufacture
Replace the word
manufacturer
show examples
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 oil
extract
Replace the word
extraction
show examples
 field.
In
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
 they exposed their life to death.
Like
Change preposition
This
show examples
this
 type of worker
deserved
Wrong verb form
deserves
show examples
 to obtain money
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
earlier.
Finally
, if employees do not get their reward early, they would not
intersting
Correct your spelling
interesting
 in the older life. Profit Mohamad may God bless him and grand him peace said give
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
 their money before
sweat
Correct pronoun usage
their sweat
show examples
 dried.
Submitted by zr.a.r on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: