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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some commentators feel that grandparents should live together with their children and grandchildren, while others say that elderly people should be encouraged to live independently. Consider the possible arguments on both sides of this debate, and reach your own conclusion.

A group of individuals present the view that it is better for
grandparents
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 to live with their extended
families
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,
whereas
Linking Words
 others believe old people ought to be inspired to live separately. I strongly agree with the former opinion. On the one hand, some people justifiably argue that
children
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 can absorb their
grandparents
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’ patterns of behaviour. To clarify,
children
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 mostly hang out with their
grandparents
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 in dual-income
families
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 which makes their
grandparents
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 become role models.
For example
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,
children
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 with easy-going
grandparents
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 are likely to make friends more easily.
Furthermore
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, parents can count on
grandparents
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 regarding child-minding. In many
families
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, both father and mother have to work to afford the expenditures.
This
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 is when
grandparents
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 can assist in taking care of
children
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while
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 the parents are at work.
On the other hand
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, another group of people claim that many
grandparents
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 prefer to see their grandchildren on a less frequent basis (as opposed to every day). They insist that reducing
Correct article usage
the times
show examples
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
 of visiting their grandchildren can result in making these visits more special and cherished for all concerned.
In addition
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, with some merit, many younger
families
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 do not have the housing space and they suffer from the lack of furniture.
For instance
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, enough vacant bedrooms could not be found in small houses.
However
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, I do not find
this
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 argument convincing as
children
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 and
grandparents
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 should try to bond and spend more time together.
Although
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 kids prefer to own their single room, sharing their bedrooms with their
grandparents
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 can remedy the problem.
To conclude
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, in my view,
children
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 can benefit from their
grandparents
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' presence in case of observing etiquette and child-minding.
Moreover
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,
instead
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 of cutting down the visiting times, the quality of the relationship between
grandparents
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 and their extended
families
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 must be revised always.

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task achievement
Consider using more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to clearly present your thesis statement in the introduction.
lexical resource
Work on using more appropriate and varied vocabulary.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to the correct use of grammar, such as subject-verb agreement and sentence structure.
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