IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some commentators feel that grandparents should live together with their children and grandchildren, while others say that elderly people should be encouraged to live independently. Consider the possible arguments on both sides of this debate, and reach your own conclusion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
A group of individuals present the view that it is better for
grandparents
Use synonyms
 to live with their extended
families
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 others believe old people ought to be inspired to live separately. I strongly agree with the former opinion. On the one hand, some people justifiably argue that
children
Use synonyms
 can absorb their
grandparents
Use synonyms
’ patterns of behaviour. To clarify,
children
Use synonyms
 mostly hang out with their
grandparents
Use synonyms
 in dual-income
families
Use synonyms
 which makes their
grandparents
Use synonyms
 become role models.
For example
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 with easy-going
grandparents
Use synonyms
 are likely to make friends more easily.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, parents can count on
grandparents
Use synonyms
 regarding child-minding. In many
families
Use synonyms
, both father and mother have to work to afford the expenditures.
This
Linking Words
 is when
grandparents
Use synonyms
 can assist in taking care of
children
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 the parents are at work.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, another group of people claim that many
grandparents
Use synonyms
 prefer to see their grandchildren on a less frequent basis (as opposed to every day). They insist that reducing
Correct article usage
the times
show examples
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
 of visiting their grandchildren can result in making these visits more special and cherished for all concerned.
In addition
Linking Words
, with some merit, many younger
families
Use synonyms
 do not have the housing space and they suffer from the lack of furniture.
For instance
Linking Words
, enough vacant bedrooms could not be found in small houses.
However
Linking Words
, I do not find
this
Linking Words
 argument convincing as
children
Use synonyms
 and
grandparents
Use synonyms
 should try to bond and spend more time together.
Although
Linking Words
 kids prefer to own their single room, sharing their bedrooms with their
grandparents
Use synonyms
 can remedy the problem.
To conclude
Linking Words
, in my view,
children
Use synonyms
 can benefit from their
grandparents
Use synonyms
' presence in case of observing etiquette and child-minding.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
instead
Linking Words
 of cutting down the visiting times, the quality of the relationship between
grandparents
Use synonyms
 and their extended
families
Use synonyms
 must be revised always.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider using more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to clearly present your thesis statement in the introduction.
lexical resource
Work on using more appropriate and varied vocabulary.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to the correct use of grammar, such as subject-verb agreement and sentence structure.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: