IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
A set of people believe that
children
Use synonyms
 should participate in collective group activities in their leisure time and parents encourage them to do so.
However
Linking Words
, some individuals think that juveniles should learn to carry themselves without intervention from caretakers.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explain both aspects. I believe that both viewpoints carry weight in terms of
child
Use synonyms
 development
therefore
Linking Words
 careful consideration should be taken
while
Linking Words
 making a wise decision. On the one hand, team-building exercises are effective for the
overall
Linking Words
 learning and development process of
children
Use synonyms
. Most of the students learn from collective efforts when organized in any school. Educational institutes are gaining momentum to organize many group activities
such
Linking Words
 as sports, folk dances, debates, etc so that
child
Use synonyms
 can participate and expand their horizons.
Additionally
Linking Words
, parents usually encourage their wards to do so and gain experiences from these learning environments.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, if the
child
Use synonyms
 develops a habit of participating in the chorus
then
Linking Words
 their learning ability will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not be enhanced in the long run.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the
child
Use synonyms
 needs to learn from their own mistake which helps them to boost their confidence.
For instance
Linking Words
, nowadays,
children
Use synonyms
 should leverage online platforms to boost their learning ability by engaging themselves with online craft-making skills, computer learning programs, etc, so that they can better utilize their learning ability.
To conclude
Linking Words
, collective group efforts help
children
Use synonyms
 to boost self-reliance through participation and boost the learning environment
however
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 should be smart enough to leverage the competitive advantage of tools and technology to engage them in leisure time. I believe that balance should be opted out as both these aspects are important for their own learning and development process.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Provide a clear thesis statement in the introduction to guide the reader.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support the points made in the essay.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary to enhance the depth of your writing.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to ensure clear and accurate communication.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • occupied
  • organized
  • group activities
  • benefits
  • social
  • teamwork skills
  • interpersonal skills
  • friendship
  • discipline
  • time management
  • interests
  • hobbies
  • independent play
  • creativity
  • problem-solving skills
  • self-reliance
  • explore
  • discover
What to do next:
Look at other essays: