IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8

Sending criminals to prison is not the best method of dealing with them. Education and job training are better ways to help them. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#criminals #prison #method #education #job
It is commonly debated that the optimal way to address individuals involved in criminal activities is through education and job training, rather than resorting to imprisonment.
This
 writer agrees with the viewpoint on account of the countless advantages of education and vocational training and the limitations of the prison system, the idea will be elaborated
further
 in the following paragraph. First and foremost, education can address the root causes of illegal acts by providing the lawbreakers a chance for self-reflection and personal growth.
In other words
, they will change their perceptions and develop to better themselves rather than holding a grudge.
Furthermore
, occupational instructions can equip convicts with practical skills
along with
 enabling them to secure employment and generate income upon release.
For instance
, a recent survey among 1,000 criminals has revealed that a high majority of those who participated in employment training have a stable job and improve their self-esteem,
as well as
 social integration through work. An additional aspect to bear in mind is that prisons, as institutions designed for rehabilitation, face notable deficiencies that impede their effectiveness in fostering genuine reform among inmates. It is evident that
this
 method lacks focus on tackling underlying issues, and there are possibly high rates of violence and negative influences within the jail.
Instead
 of delving into the psychological, social, or economic factors that may have led individuals to criminality, the prison system often falls short in providing comprehensive interventions to break the cycle of offending.
Additionally
, the atmosphere there is hostile, hindering any genuine efforts at personal growth and positive transformation. In conclusion, the inadequacies of the prison system in dealing with fundamental issues and the prevalence of violence underscore the need for alternative approaches that prioritize rehabilitation and strive to create environments conducive to positive change.
This
 essay has been written to prove the statement is a thoughtful solution.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction sets a clear stance on the topic and that your conclusion effectively summarizes your points without introducing new information. This helps in achieving a coherent structure and ensuring the presence of an introduction and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points with clearly linked supporting examples or evidence. Use a variety of linking words to connect ideas and paragraphs smoothly, which will improve logical structure and support for main points.
task achievement
To achieve a complete response, make sure to address all parts of the task fully. Clearly state your position and expand on your ideas with comprehensive explanations and relevant examples.
task achievement
Make your examples more specific by including data, research findings, or real-life case studies where possible. This will strengthen your arguments and contribute to clear and comprehensive idea development.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Rehabilitation
  • Recidivism
  • Reintegration
  • Vocational training
  • Incarceration
  • Deterrent
  • Correctional facilities
  • Reformative justice
  • Social reentry
  • Ex-offender
  • Criminal justice system
  • Restorative practices
  • Penal system
  • Social marginalization
What to do next:
Look at other essays: