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Band 4

Some people claim that public museums and art galleries will not be needed because people can see historical objects and works of arts by using a computer. Do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #museums #art #galleries #objects #works #arts #computer
Nowadays, it has been observed that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 public museums and art exhibitions
would
Verb problem
are
show examples
 not
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
needed because
people
 can view historical objects and masterpieces of
arts
Fix the agreement mistake
art
show examples
 with the help of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
computers. If questioned
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
me
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
,
personally
Rephrase
apply
show examples
I would strongly disagree with
this
 statement, In detail description and
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
logical explanations,
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 in the following paragraphs. The first argument put forward is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 museums, art
gallaries
Correct your spelling
galleries
 and certain exhibitions of antiques should be encouraged even more, because these are the
places
 where our history is kept alive, and
people
 don't forget our traditions and culture, so
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of
places
 should be built with
best
Add an article
the best
show examples
 architecture, and these
places
shoud
Correct your spelling
should
 look like a place where our history is kept alive. When a person visits a museum he/she may feel that
this
 is boring but
instead
Add a comma
instead,
show examples
 that person should read the instances or
descrpition
Correct your spelling
descriptions
 which are written nearby to the object.
Further
 adding, these
places
creates
Correct subject-verb agreement
create
show examples
 more
employements
Correct your spelling
employments
employment
 for the needy
people
. When
people
 would visit
such
places
, they
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 know some unspoken facts, which should be kept in mind,
beacuse
Correct your spelling
because
 in history whatever mistakes our
people
made
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
, should not be repeated and if
such
 things
happens
Change the verb form
happen
show examples
, we should know how to tackle the situation.
However
, some
people
 argue that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
instead
 of
such
places
 there should be everything online, some
people
 may think
this
 way, observing the near future, but
instead
 they should think
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
ahead. There
maybe
Correct your spelling
may be
show examples
 reasons for them to say
such
 things, among some reasons one would be the cost to make
such
places
 and maintaining
such
places
. Concluding, we can say that we should preserve and make new monuments, and they should be encouraged even more, so that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 can know about the sacrifice
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
people
 of that time made
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and
usage
Correct article usage
the usage
show examples
 of computers should be reduced, so other
people
 can earn money.
Submitted by vrajgirigosai0079 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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