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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The line graph shows the average number of weekly patients visiting four clinics of a hospital from 2010 to 2016.

The line graph shows the average number of weekly patients visiting four clinics of a hospital from 2010 to 2016.
#line #patients #four #clinics
The line graph illustrates
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of patients who visited clinics between 2010 and 2016 for four particular reasons.
Overall
, eye problems are increasing rather than other problems and birth control
reamins
Correct your spelling
remains
 almost
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 as where it was started.
firstly
,
dental
Add an article
the dental
show examples
 problem
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
gradually increased during the period,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 accounted
Change preposition
for morethan
show examples
morethan
Correct your spelling
more than
 50 individuals in a week and
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 reached nearly 200
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
last
 year. when it comes to dental
clinic
Fix the agreement mistake
clinics
show examples
 it started with 100 and reduced to just above 50 in 2012. After that, it significantly increased, to 125 in 20104 and remained almost
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
. Birth control was the highest in 2010 and
second
Correct article usage
the second
show examples
 highest was Eye patients and those started with
near
Change the word
nearly
show examples
 250 and 125 respectively. For
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 two
tears
Add a comma
tears,
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 they increased the value as same and birth control created a massive decline between 2012 and 2014, at above 150.
however
Add a comma
,
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it climbed to
near
Change the word
nearly
show examples
 250 in 2016. The number of Eye patients increased
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2012 and it reached 350 in
final
Add an article
the final
show examples
 year.
Submitted by shahinka.687 on

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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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