IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The pie charts below show the devices people in the 18 to 25 age group use to watch television in Canada in different years

The pie charts below show the devices people in the 18 to 25 age group use to watch television in Canada in different years
#show #devices #people #age #group #television #canada #years
The provided two charts illustrate the information on how it affected the people who were using it, They represents six kinds of devices
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
mobile phone, laptops, tablets, desktop computers, and flat-screen or conventional TVs that were used in 2009 and 2019
To sum up
, the number of people who have been was exactly the three that may
ranked
Change the verb form
be ranked
rank
show examples
 the highest per
cent
 was Mobile hone, and Desktop Computer. As can be seen, during 2009, the highest number of conventional TVs rose up to 34
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 compared to 2019
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 when most of the population used fewer, which was approximately 4 per
cent
due to
 their convenience. Followed by a Smartphone
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 has
be
Wrong verb form
been
show examples
 exactly 15 per
cent
 which has risen to 26 per
cent
 during the recent year.
On the other hand
,
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Tablets, or Flat screen
TV
Fix the agreement mistake
TVs
show examples
 was lower than 10 per
cent
 during the past years, compared to the other three devices
such
 as Desktop computers
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
a maximum percentage of 12 to 18 . The results of the frequently used devices that have the most were exactly the number of smartphones that were owned and used during recent years.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words cent with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: