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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the percentages of male and female students getting top grades in 1960 and 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the percentages of male and female students getting top grades in 1960 and 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #percentages #students #grades #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The bar graphs illustrate the proportion of
students
Use synonyms
 achieving peak grades in different
subjects
Use synonyms
 based on their genders between 1960 and 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
, females demonstrated a significant success
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 languages
while
Linking Words
 getting top scores from different
subjects
Use synonyms
 generally saw a noticeable decrease.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, male
students
Use synonyms
 exhibited an important progress on humanity and arts
subjects
Use synonyms
. In terms of maths and
s cience
Correct your spelling
science
show examples
, female
students
Use synonyms
 showed unsuccessful performance based on getting top scores. Their mathematics scores fluctuated at 5 individuals from 1960 to 2000;
however
Linking Words
, science barely increased to just higher
10
Change preposition
than 10
show examples
 people.
Conversely
Linking Words
, approximately 45
students
Use synonyms
 achieved a peak score
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 languages in 1990 before falling to 30
students
Use synonyms
 four decades later.
Although
Linking Words
 their arts and
humatities
Correct your spelling
humanities
subjects
Use synonyms
 experienced a slight decrease, their top graders were around 25
students
Use synonyms
 in 2000. Science and maths
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
' top grader proportions
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
 from around 30% to just below 20% throughout the period.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
languages
Change the noun form
language
show examples
 performance of male
students
Use synonyms
 stayed constant at nearly 20%. One significant progress was their success
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 humanities
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 which was just higher than 20% before escalating
a
Change preposition
to a
show examples
peak of 45% in 2000.
Submitted by historicalpen on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, subjects with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentages
  • top grades
  • achievement
  • gender disparity
  • educational trends
  • academic performance
  • comparison
  • decade
  • educational policy
  • societal expectations
  • improvement
  • educational attainment
  • graduates
  • academic excellence
  • statistics
  • educational landscape
  • benchmark
  • parity
  • gender roles
  • historical data
  • performance indicators
  • educational improvements
  • longitudinal study
  • scholastic achievement
  • gender gap
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