Some people believe that music should be taught in schools, while others think that it is best to focus on computer and science. Discuss both views and your opinion.

#people #music #schools #focus #computer #science

A school is definitely a place where children can have a rich learning experience.

However

,each school has a different policy, some only focus on basic and scientific

subjects

while

others include

music

and cultural material

Rephrase

apply

show examples

also

Hence

, people's opinion is divided too. On one hand, some people think that

music

should be a part of the educational system,

due to

the impact that can have

Change preposition

show examples

children’s life and their ability to learn.

For instance

, studies show that

students

who play

music

constantly manage to focus more on

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

other

subjects

As a result

, they get better grades.

On the other hand

, others believe that schools should focus on

computer

Fix the agreement mistake

computers

show examples

and

science

since they are considered as serious

subjects

Moreover

,the majority believe that

science

is the only way to have a successful job in the future.

For

this

reason,adding other

subjects

will only confuse

students

Additionally

, when we give them a choice they may end up choosing

music

over

science

which will ruin their future. In my view,

students

should have access to a variety of materials, cultural and scientific.

Due to

the importance of those

subjects

However

music

has a huge value as it can help improve the memory.As a

results

Correct the article-noun agreement

result

show examples

, scholars will benefit from it to higher their grades.

Furthermore

Music

encourages

self expression

Add a hyphen

self-expression

show examples

,fosters creativity, and helps

students

build

self esteem

Add a hyphen

self-esteem

show examples

Also

music

education can open the door for more career options in the future.

To sum up

,I think schools should keep the balance between

music

and

science

in a way where the second is the most important in the educational system

while

the first is optional.

However

, teaching

music

is necessary.

Submitted by kaoutar.eljaouhari50 on Sun Oct 22 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

14Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

264 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5.5
band
The plans below show a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The given diagrams illustrate that a park initially opened in 1920 and how it appears today.
<4
band
Some people feel that Other people say that there are benefits for the animals and for humans. Discuss both sides of this debate, and give your personal view.
The freedom of animals has been highlighted over the past decades. From this aspect, some opine that it is all the time detrimeltal to keep animals in captivity, for instance in zoos, but others hold the view that there are positive effects for the animals and for individuals. This essay will discuss both views and then my personal opinion will be suggested.
4
band
Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
In contemporary times, technological advancements have enabled many adults to work from home, while an increasing number of children are also receiving their education remotely. This shift towards remote work and study offers both advantages and disadvantages, and in this essay, I will argue that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.
4.5
band
The best way to make roads safer is to make vehicle drivers take a driving test each year.
I to some extent reinforce the new rule that every driver should retake their driver's licence each year to make the road safer. while this approach has some merits, it also faces with significant drawbacks that make it an imperfect solution.
<4
band
In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experiences. You should write at least 250 words
There are multiple universities which offer this program not only in Colombia but also in Australia. Nevertheless, the curriculum offered by this university has a perfect balance between the core subjects and the specializations with some topics which definitely are not available in other courses.

Some people believe that music should be taught in schools, while others think that it is best to focus on computer and science. Discuss both views and your opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

The plans below show a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Some people feel that Other people say that there are benefits for the animals and for humans. Discuss both sides of this debate, and give your personal view.

The best way to make roads safer is to make vehicle drivers take a driving test each year.