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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The diagram illustrates the various stages in the manifacture of bricks for the building industry The process requires the manufacture of bricks.

The diagram illustrates the various stages in the manifacture of bricks for the building industry The process requires the manufacture of bricks.
The diagram illustrates the various stages in the
manifacture
Correct your spelling
manufacture
 of
bricks
Use synonyms
 for the building industry The process requires the manufacture of
bricks
Use synonyms
. First of all, the clay is mined from the ground and
then
Linking Words
 carried out to the surface by
digger
Add an article
a digger
the digger
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.After
that
Add a comma
that,
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 it is transported to the factory, where it is broken into small pieces by metal grid and put to the roller. Following that, tor
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
clay, sand and water are added and from
this
Linking Words
bricks
Use synonyms
 are produced.At the next stage of the process
bricks
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 would be shaped in two different ways, the first one is by cutter and the second is by mould.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, prepared
bricks
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 are sent to the drying oven, where it is saved for about
day
Correct article usage
a day
show examples
 or two.
Then
Linking Words
 it is burnt in two stages in the kiln.In the first
stage
Add a comma
stage,
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 the
tempreture
Correct your spelling
temperature
 is between 200-980 degrees and in the next temperature gets higher,
reaches
Correct word choice
and reaches
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 approximately
1300degrees
Correct your spelling
1300 degrees
.After
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 it is cooled in the chamber
between
Change preposition
for between
show examples
 48-72 hours. When everything is done
bricks
Use synonyms
 are packaged and sent to the hardware store. It is interesting to note that
Use synonyms
bricks
Fix the agreement mistake
brick
show examples
 manufacturing
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 not harmful to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature
Replace the word
and
show examples
an
Correct your spelling
and
show examples
 the
Correct your spelling
process
procees
Correct your spelling
processes
 are
enviromently
Correct your spelling
environmentally
 friendly

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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words bricks with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrates" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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