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Writing Samples
Band 5

There are an increasing number of serious crimes committed each year. While some people say that the best way would be to use death penalty as a deterrant, many people say that other measures will be needed.Discuss both views.

#crimes #year #people #death #penalty #measures
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It is argued that we should punish
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
criminals or thieves,
Linking Words
furthermore
Add a comma
furthermore,
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 we have a lot of individuals that are under the influence of prison and governmental punishments.
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Also
Add a comma
Also,
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 many people believe that fear of
law
Correct article usage
the law
show examples
 can limit crime,
in
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addition
Add the comma(s)
addition,
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 some parties try to pass laws for extreme punishments( like the death penalty).There are a lot of factors leading to bad behaviours and habits, but the judgment system can be sometimes motivating for crimes
not
Add the comma(s)
, not
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deterrent
Correct article usage
a deterrent
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. The thing
that is
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 important here, is the difference between the power of punishment and education. We can see in spite of many judgements and laws, our society goes toward criminal activities.
For example
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, we know that in Iran the death penalty is at the top of the world, but there
is
Verb problem
has
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 not any decrease in these bad habits in the
last
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 4 decades.
On the contrary
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, we can clearly see that fear of law cannot deter the population from vulgar habits. To illustrate, when we think about the educational system, we would
found
Wrong verb form
find
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 the critical and crucial elements of an ideal country in a good education, from elementary schools to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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universities.
For instance
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, the Swedish community is one of the best examples of a
well
Change the adverb
good
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 system that can
learn
Verb problem
teach
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 children and adults to be
health
Replace the word
healthy
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 citizens,
beside
Replace the word
besides
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 much freedom
that is
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 normal in their country. In conclusion, we have two
type
Change to a plural noun
types
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 of systems
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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one of them is based on fear, and the other one is related to mindfulness and learning. In any political
discussion
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discussion,
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 there are both of these thoughts,
although
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 nowadays the communities tend to be educated and not punished.
Submitted by Ramin1991 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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